Angela and I

Angela and I

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Little Joys, Little Victories

HELLOOOOO!! Wow I have not blogged in a while.  This is because my laptop died (RIP) and when it comes to spending money I love to put things off until I can't live without whatever it is I need to spend money on.  It's one of my special skills (which also include devil sticks, whistle tones, and reading all of the books). Anyway, even though I haven't been updating my blog, I have had a fantastic couple of weeks!  And really, nothing that exciting has happened - but my life has been so full of little moments of happiness and tiny recovery triumphs that when I look at them all together, it's pretty overwhelming.

If you had told me earlier in my life that I would suffer from depression, I probably would have replied "Excuse me don't you know WHO I AM?!" I made it a point to have positivity streaming out of every orifice, and when it didn't feel natural, I did it anyway!! The sun will come out tomorrow so help me God, and if it doesn't, I will build a sun lamp. Little did I know that a short way down the road I would be the girl laying on her floor, looking up at the ceiling, and crying because she can't stop crying.  Or having an anxiety attack because she's pretty sure her face has swollen 3 times it's natural size over night. But, that's where we find ourselves sometimes.  Desperately hoping for some amazing thing to happen and to break us out of the sadness burrito we have found ourselves wrapped in.  At least, that's what I kept praying for.  But then all of the little things started adding up, fueling my fire, and making feel a motherfucking WARRIOR.

Here are a few examples.  Alone..."oh cool, KT I'm glad you had a good day but why are you belting?"  Together...EVERYTHING IS AWESOME.

I made a total life upgrade by purchasing this adorable backpack and carrying it instead of a purse.  My sister has had one for a while, and I finally decided to make the switch.  Um...MY LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE.

I got to see one of my very favorite people, Nicole!!  We go way back to the Summer of Love - LCT 2003.  Since then we have gone to high school together, obsessed over the same people, and lived together in New York.  Oh and I won a bucket so...I'm set.

I feel like I've made HUMONGOUS strides in my recovery process, and each day I become more and more passionate about my journey and helping others who are also struggling.  It's really overwhelming to feel this deeply about something.  This past week I feel like EH finally hit me harder than I've ever experienced (that's Extreme Hunger - what happens when the body's hunger cues finally start lining up, metabolism kicks in, and all of a sudden...NOM NOM NOM GIVE ME ALL THE FOOD), and although I thought that EH would scare the shit out of me, it was actually fun and liberating.  I'm so proud of myself.

I celebrated a glorious Easter Sunday with my family (minus Andy, but I'll see him SO SOON).  It was relaxing after kicking it into over drive in church world to just prepare a delicious meal, enjoy the sunshine, have good conversation, and share a pie moment (rhubarb, what else).  Another victory - first holiday without a panic attack and absolutely NO Emily in sight.  Self five!

I've been reading some really great books including "Secrets and Wives" which is about my favorite subject of all time - MORMON POLYGAMY!

Laine and I took a mini road trip to NKU to see Spamalot!  On the way, we had fantastic conversation and iced coffee (what more do you need in life?!). While there, we met up with Hannah for drinks before hand, saw friends at the show, and stopped by Brandon's apartment to say hi.  I can't even explain how good it was to see everyone and to see an amazing production!  I am so proud to be an NKU theatre alum.

Mom and I made some delicious home made pizza, Veg-Bergers style.

It is warm and I have been spending lots of time outside in the sunshine. Happy KT.

I've had countless phone conversations with people I love.

I started a new journal.

I'm almost done with season 3 of "McLeod's Daughters."

Daryl Harris came to me in a dream.

Less than a month until Florida.

Everything is going to be OK.