August has been treating me pretty well so far. I moved into my new tiny home, I went to opening night of an amazing show, I was visited by dear friends, and every day I am actually (but like actually) happier and happier that I decided to make the permanent move to St. Pete.
I have 2 really bad habits that I am constantly working on, and they go hand in hand. I am very hard on myself, but at the same time I put on a front that I am constantly happy. I have made humongous strides with both of these things. In every place I have lived prior to St. Pete, anyone would assume I was the "happiest girl in the world" (direct quote), and there were times where I was incredibly happy!! But there were also times where I was in my head verbally abusing myself, and then dealing with it by posting super positive statuses for the world to see. I look back on that time with confusion and sadness, but I know I'm not the only one who does this. Even my therapist chuckled heartily when I said one of my goals for treatment was "100% self love." To which she replied, "You're even a perfectionist in therapy...no one in the entire world loves themselves 100% of the time. We do what we can, and when we can't, we figure out how to get through it. Stop being so hard on yourself."
In order to take care of myself, I have to be able to be surrounded by people I love, being able to do what I love, in a community that I love. Check, check, and check!
The main reason I chose to come here and then stay here happens to be exactly what I wanted to post about: self care. I obviously don't have a good track record for it, and once I realized how many of my behaviors were actually self harm, I honestly got quite overwhelmed. I would never treat another person like that, so why am I treating myself like that?! I loved being in New York, but I couldn't take care of myself. The place I went for treatment was amazing, but I was constantly exhausted, had to work all the time in order to make rent and pay for therapy, was walking everywhere (not ideal when you're supposed to NOT EXERCISE), and just wanted to quit. Quite frankly, I was getting worse. I knew I couldn't sustain it, so I left. It felt a whole lot like giving up at the time, but looking back, I was making the smart decision.
I'm a very goal oriented person, so I decided that this month my personal goal would be self care. I found this challenge on tumblr which gives you an incredibly easy task to do. I've been doing well on it, and I'm excited that today's goal is something I do every day anyway (YOGA!! I hate going a day without spending time on my mat). I hope some of you all will join me in this challenge...whether you follow this particular list, or make your own. In society, self love is often viewed as self indulgence, when really you're just taking care of the most important person in the world - YOU.