I will never sugar coat recovery. I will never tell you that I woke up, having decided to eliminate anorexia from my life, ate some pancakes, and it was all uphill from there. I will never idealize this process. I will, however, say that it is the best thing I have ever done.
I have lost a lot in these 10 months, I have gone through serious withdrawals, and serious grief. I have lost Emily - that constant friend who was always by my side, who claimed to know me better than anyone, but in reality was suffocating me. I have lost coping mechanisms that allowed me to detach myself from truly feeling. I have lost the body I had grown accustomed to. I have lost the sick pleasure I got in having people stare and whisper about me.
And yet, there is so much more I have gained...
10 - Strength
9- Flexibility (both physically and mentally)
8 - Brain Space
7 - Self Love
6 - Hope
5 - Honesty
4 - Energy
3 - Courage
2 - Joy
1 - A Future (because if we are completely honest, without recovery my options were death, or being hooked up to a feeding tube in a hospital, which is not living)
This morning I woke up to 10,000 views on this blog, which is completely overwhelming and amazing. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. This blog has become something that saves my life daily, and I can't express how much it means to me to have people read my story as it unfolds. You ALL are part of this journey. I couldn't do it without you. <33