The Glory of the Spring

It was only a matter of time before I sat down to write this post.  I know that in merely three days I’ll be jetting off to follow a band to the other side of the country and back again, and I know that the show has closed on Broadway twice now.  But even so, Spring Awakening continues to be “my favorite thing in this world, in this universe, in this lifetime” (a direct quote from me when I made my roommates watch a Spring Awakening bootleg with me on my Springaversary).  I’ve been involved in many fandoms over the course of my 27 years, and each of them have been special.  But nothing will ever touch this one.  Ever.  There will never be another Spring Awakening.

When I was 16 years old, I went to the dollar movie theatre with my mom and sister.  We were sitting waiting for the movie to start and music was playing over the sound system.  I heard a song with flowery lyrics, rich harmonies, and stunning imagery.  I had no idea what it was.  I made sure to remember some of the lyrics so that I could look it up later when I got home.  “The earth will wave with corn…” "the clouds begin to thunder, crickets wander murmuring..." “All shall know the wonder of purple summer.”  I don’t even remember what movie we saw, but I remember hearing that song like it was yesterday.  It made my whole body vibrate.  I went home and looked up the lyrics and it brought me to the official website for a show that was about to open on Broadway.  And so it began.  

It was only a matter of time before I had watched every video possible, bought the OBCR, scoured the internet for content, and doodled every lyric into my school notebooks.  In no time at all, I had found The Guilty Ones, a fan forum for the show.  For a while I just looked and read, thinking that I wasn’t the kind of person that posted in forums.  Well...I was very, VERY wrong about that.  I was definitely the kind of person that posted in forums.  I would run home every day from school, hop online, pull up TGO, and do my homework while refreshing the homepage and posting to my heart’s content.  I talked to my friends from the boards in AIM chats every night.  We planned meet ups.  We traded. We flailed.  We analyzed.  We argued.  We laughed.  

In June, I finally got to see the show live with my friend Sarah, who I had pulled right along with me into the dizzying world of Musical Theatre fandom.  That night still ranks as one of the best of my life.  I cried like a baby and nearly buzzed out of my skin with happiness.  I got pictures with the cast. I knew I would never be the same.  

After that humid June evening in New York City, Spring Awakening wasn’t just a thing I loved or even something I liked talking about to my internet friends.  It became my support system.  It was something I could always turn to; my safe space.  Whether that meant seeing the show and feeling like I was back home, or visiting my friends I had made through TGO, or writing fanfiction, or going backstage with Pops, or following the first national tour, or talking on AIM until the sun came up, or eventually directing the show myself  (which is still one of my very proudest moments). I’ve seen the show countless times and I’ve been in it a few times as well.  But sometimes it’s amazing to me that, although I love the show and can still probably recite the entire script if you really needed me to, it eventually wasn’t even about the musical itself.  My “internet friends” just became...my friends.  The bold, silly, talkative, girl I was on the forums just became who I am.  I didn’t need to be anything but that.   When the original production closed on Broadway, my friend called me from the audience and let me listen to the show on my home phone.  I cried my eyes out with Sarah in my living room, then called my TGO friends to make sure they were doing okay, then went to bed wondering if life would ever be the same again.  

And of course, life is never the same.  Every single day, the world is completely different.  Spring ends, and summer follows. I joined TGO in 2007, and it’s now 2017. So of course, everything is different.  But, those are still my truest and most loyal friends.  They are still the ones I confide in because when I was 16, they were the ones who listened.  They are the ones that let me be completely myself.  They are still the ones I go visit when I’m in New York, and we laugh as hard as we did when we were all behind our computer screens up way too late on a school night.  And listen, if there was a way I could follow Spring Awakening around the country right here right now in 2017, I absolutely would.  We found something really special in that little rock musical about teenagers growing up in provincial Germany, and I don’t think it can ever be recreated.  But I don’t think it needs to be.

"We did have some remarkable times."

Peace, Love, and Chrysanthemums,

KT  

25 Years, 6 Albums - THE WALK

ALRIGHT, how is everyone doing? Ready for the next album?  I’m doing great, and I’m really enjoying writing these posts.  In celebration of their 25th year as a band, Hanson is releasing their first Greatest Hits compilation, while I am working backwards through their musical catalog and talking about each album in detail.  We’ve already been over ANTHEM and SHOUT IT OUT, so now let’s go back three more years to 2007, and the release of their fourth studio album - THE WALK.

I find hope in what eyes don’t see

I find hope in your hate for me

Have no fear when the waters rise, we can conquer this great divide.

I’m a little nervous writing this post because The Walk is actually my least favorite Hanson album. *Gasp*.  But, your least favorite pie is still pie, ya know?  So it still has a lot that I want to talk about, and a lot that I love discussing.  The Walk came out in 2007, right as I was starting my senior year of high school, aka the perfect time for KT Berger to listen to it.  I think a lot of us go through a kind of social justice awakening in our late teens or early twenties, and mine definitely happened during my senior year.  I was coming off of a crazy and intense summer,  both my school and my church were involved in the Invisible Children initiative, I was very active in my youth group, I was about to go sing at NCYC, and I wanted to make a difference.  And it seemed as though Hanson did as well.  So they went to Africa, started their Talk The Walk campaign, and released this super passionate and intense album.  17 year old KT loooooooved it.  26 year old KT still loves it, because it sounds like senior year and feeling like I could change the world.  I still think I can change the world, just...in a different way.  Just like I love this album in a different way. Okay, anyway...THE ALBUM…

If there is one thing The Walk has going for it, it is the passion in the music.  You can tell that the guys were on FIRE for their cause at the time.  As soon as you start the album and you hear that first guitar riff in Great Divide, your heart starts racing and you know what you’re in for.  The Walk isn’t romantic.  It’s not just pretty boys singing love songs (not that Hanson has ever just been pretty boys singing love songs, but I digress).  These are songs about pain, and loss, and war, and battles in your own mind.  Because of this wild passion, the album is...kind of all over the place.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s a fact.  And, as a songwriter, I can attest to the fact that when you feel something really hard, it’s difficult to reign it in musically.  You want to go all out, every line, every verse, every time.  That’s when it’s good to have someone to help you stay on track (a lesson I have learned time and time again).

In Hanson-land, we get these awesome things called Member’s Only EPs (seriously we are so spoiled as a fandom it’s ridiculous).  So we get this collection of four or five songs every year and typically, each track is wildly different.  They cover a vast spectrum of musical styles.  Which is why, at the end of the day, The Walk has always, and will always, feel like an extended Member’s EP to me.  This album is for the fans, plain and simple.  And again, not a bad thing, but it is something worth addressing.

I'm blind with eyes wide open
My body's tired and broken
I want a taste of something, that doesn't leave me dry

An important thing to note, for me anyway, is that The Walk was SUPER formative for myself as a songwriter and composer.  The syncopated rhythm in Running Man is the reason I will never be able to write anything on the beat (just ask Blake, my writing partner!  He loves it!).  The internal rhyme scheme in the chorus of Go is the reason I am utterly obsessed with that lyrical device. I’ve accidentally written a few too many songs that sound shockingly like I Am.  I still dream of writing lyrics like the ones in Fire on the Mountain and The Walk.

You might notice that all of the examples I just gave have one thing in common.  They are all Zac leads!  So let’s talk about that guy. Zac Hanson.  The boy that became famous at age 11 and then somehow, inexplicably, became an extremely prolific songwriter and lyricist.  He’s a HUGE influence for me, and I think that started with The Walk because, this was the kind of the first album that the other brothers really gave him the reins.  There’s SO much Zac on this record.  The kid (lol he’s 31 but whatever) can write. A. LYRIC.  A thing that makes me not like the album as much as I probably could is the fact that Zac ballads have the tendency to be over-produced.  All of his songs are, at their core, so frickin’ good but sometimes, they’re just sonically messy after all is said and done in that control room.  A perfect example of that is Go, a song that, compositionally, finds it’s brilliance in it’s simplicity.  The production of it is NOT SIMPLE, so therefore it loses some of it’s magic. But live, it’s amazing!! It’s how the song should always sound because the lyrics and simple melody shine through (I feel that way about a lot of Zac songs...live is better.  The Walk, Broken Angel, Use Me Up. Give me a live performance any day).  So, in conclusion, I prefer listening to Taylor leads, but I write, for better or for worse, much more like Zac.

Don’t lose yourself in your fear

While The Walk is a little all over the place sonically, at it’s core there’s heart and almost uncontrollable emotion.  Taylor uses the theme of weight a lot in his songwriting (“Carry it like a heavyweight champ”, “someone to hold the weight part of the time”, “your heavyweight knees buckle under a ton”) and that very obviously signals to me that he feels things really hard.  Emotions and feelings have weight, so much weight, in fact, that he has to write songs about them in order to relieve that weight.  This album was different than all the previous ones, for a few reasons.  This was the first one they made completely on their own as an independent band from the beginning, this was the first one they made after they had all been married off, this was the first one where they truly...TRULY broke away from their teenage image.  These were men making this record.  Now, I don’t want to delve too deep into their personal lives, but we all know that Georgia is written about Natalie, Taylor’s wife.  Okay, okay, it’s never been actually confirmed, but come on. The reason I’m bringing up this song is because it’s a testament to how this album is different.  This is the only “love song” on the record but it’s not mushy gushy, wide eyed, teenage love.  It’s about real love, hard love, every day you have to work for it love.   It’s personal and specific.  It’s complicated.  It’s real.

So, is The Walk their best album?  Definitely not.  They were still relatively new as an indie band, and still learning what works and what doesn’t.  Even though they were all married by it’s release, they were all still pretty young.  Musicians are constantly learning, which I think is a really awesome thing about the profession.  I am glad this record exists, though.  It reminds us that we can use our overwhelming passion for good, we can use it to fuel change and start something amazing in the world.  And hey, isn’t that a message we desperately need right now? I believe that now, more than ever, we need some inspiring words to remind us that we can conquer this great divide.

Peace, Love, and Tightropes,

KT

25 Years, 6 Albums - ANTHEM

In about a month, Hanson will be releasing their first Greatest Hits album, and I’m feeling a lot of things.  So...I thought it was time for a little series on the blog about their music.  Because we all know I have way too much to say about...well, everything, but especially music.  And more specifically, Hanson’s music.  So join me as I go backwards through their six major studio albums: Anthem, Shout it Out, The Walk, Underneath, This Time Around, and Middle of Nowhere.  

The other night, my friend and I watched “Remade in America”, the documentary about the making of Hanson’s sixth studio album, ANTHEM.  Anthem isn’t usually the album I choose to listen to when I’m like “wow I’m in a Hanson mood”.  My love for Underneath and Shout It Out kind of overshadows everything else, but the documentary made me SUPER emotional.  There are a few reasons for that.  Let me explain:

• While they were working on this album, the boys almost called it quits as a band.  So like, that information alone is...a lot for me to handle.

• 2013 was a bad year for KT Berger.  I was at my lowest of all lows.  I was planning my suicide.  I went to the doctor because my body was literally breaking down and a few days and an intervention later I decided to check myself into treatment for my anorexia.   

• Because of my illness, I definitely wasn’t on my fandom A-Game.  I had fallen away from the Hanson fandom for a few years (not completely, but I just wasn’t really into anything at that point, nothing got me excited anymore). Anthem came out in the summer of 2013, and I didn’t even bother to listen to it until October. I heard Anthem and I had the same moment that I had with Underneath in 2004.  I felt understood and heard and shaken to my core.  Already Home had me sobbing on the floor of my bedroom.  It was a lot.  But I needed it.

But enough about me!  This is about the album...so let’s get to it!  

You better run and hide
Cause we're about to bring the fire

Hanson’s musical catalogue is full of “eff you, we’re here, get used to it!!” songs, starting with This Time Around, the titular song from their second studio album, and continuing from there.  When they were teenagers, coming off of their success as the angelic boys who sang Mmm-Bop, the rebellious lyrics seemed to say “we’re a little older and a little wiser, our voices have changed, and we’re not scared of our future.”  The meaning might have changed slightly over the years, but the core sentiment is still similar.  Against all odds, we’re still here.  And you can’t stop us.  That’s a powerful message for anyone, but especially when it’s coming from your peers.  Hanson has an incredibly dedicated fanbase, and I think a huge part of that dedication is the fact that we (the fans) are ultimately their peers.  Every time they sing a song about being able to do something they were told they couldn’t do, we feel it in our bones (“Hey!  Us, too!”).  In a way, we grew up with them. We came of age with them.  Anthem is brimming with these kind of lyrics.  From Fired Up to You Can’t Stop Us, from Already Home to Tonight.  Hanson wants us to know that even when the odds are stacked against you, you can’t wait ‘til tomorrow, ‘cause it just might be tonight.

Sing it if you know it

Scream it if you feel it

One of the reasons I love Anthem is because the mixing and production came a long way since Hanson’s beginning as an indie band in the early 2000’s.  Even I, Underneath’s biggest fan, can admit that production of that album is SUH-LOPPY, but they have learned a lot over the years.  There are a few weak spots in Anthem production-wise, but I know that there was a bit of a rush to get the album done.  Sonically, the album is pretty cohesive, and arguably one of their all-around best (even though it isn’t my favorite. There’s a difference).  Their previous record was more on the soul and blues side of the spectrum, and this one is more traditional, aggressive, in your face rock.  True, it does have it’s soulful moments (I mean, there is even a song called I’ve Got Soul).  It’s like this weird, hybrid, funky rocky...thing.  Anthem gives us the cowbell and horns of Shout it Out, while offering us a completely different feeling with arena-rock moments and sweeping, stacked harmonies.  If anything, the vocals are almost too perfect and polished (Hanson problems, am I right?) in some of those choral break-down moments, and it doesn’t exactly fit the grittier rock vibe they were going for.  But, that’s what happens when there are three brothers whose voices blend seamlessly. *shrugs*

You can come home to this town…

I think that, for the most part, all three brothers can write a damn good lyric.  I will literally stand by the fact that I think Zac is actually a lyrical genius until the day I die (a lot of people get on him for his ballads but those LYRICS YOU GUYS.  Like...I just....I dream about writing lyrics like that).  There are a few incredibly cheesey lyrical moments in Anthem, but underneath every sappy turn of phrase, there is a blonde boy from Oklahoma who means what he’s singing with every fiber of his being.  If nothing else, Hanson is about as sincere as you can get (which is probably another reason why we all follow them blindly).  Lost Without You was supposed to be the single, after all. Honestly, I just think that Hanson is better at writing story songs than anything else, so their lyrical prowess doesn’t exactly shine in big anthemic songs.  

What does shine, however, are their vocals.  All three of them have incredible rock tones, and while I could wax poetic about Taylor Hanson’s voice for literal hours, I have to say that Zac and Ike blow me away on this record.  Zac’s voice is just like...ridiculous.  It’s actually insane.  He belts B flats and then sings in flawless falsetto like he’s never used his chest voice a day in his life.  He places his rock screams perfectly so that they are healthy and supported and you can’t...you can’t teach that!!! You can try!! I think that Zac got famous young enough that he’s never had that glimmer of self doubt that most singers always have in the back of their minds.  He just goes for it, and it’s amazing.  Isaac, who only leads in one song on the record, really doesn’t get enough vocal credit.  His verse in You Can’t Stop Us is one of my favorite moments on the whole album.  That growl!  That placement!  I’ll get more to him in the earlier albums, but boy can SING.  

Anthem isn’t my favorite Hanson album, and it does have it’s moments of “Lol y’all are corny” but at the end of the day, I’m so grateful it exists.  Sometimes, seemingly small things can keep us alive...like a song telling me to scream and be free, or some of my favorite voices saying that I shouldn’t care what has come before, tomorrow’s an open door. I’m grateful that they put up a fight and stayed together as a band.  I’m grateful that they gave us this music, and I’m grateful that we get to share it with them.  Anthem is full of fighting and war-like metaphors and imagery, the words dripping the challenges and battle cries. It’s very “me vs. you” (with all of us listening being the ME, and all of our opponents/demons/etc. being the YOU).  It tells us to fight for what we want like there is no tomorrow...but this isn’t the end of the story. It could have been, but amazingly, inexplicably, it’s not.  Not for them, not for me, and not for you.  This is just the beginning.

Peace, Love, and Tragic Symphonies,
KT

Kill the Boy Band: Book Review.

Alright folks, we're rounding third and heading into home.  This summer I took it upon myself to read a bunch of books about fandom, which was mostly self serving (I'm trying to get my own book, which is about fandom, published and I need to make sure I wasn't accidentally stealing anyone's ideas).  The last book on this list was Kill The Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky.

“Because the truth is, it isn't worth loving something if you aren't going to love it all the way.” 

This book is definitely different than any book, and definitely any book about fandom, that I have ever read.  It follows four girls (Erin, Isabella, Apple, and the unnamed narrator) through a crazy adventure full of kidnapping, crazy fangirls, and murder.  What I loved most about this story was how much it delved into the psyche of the fangirl, something that will fascinate me until my dying day.  It's something I explore a lot in my own book.  There are so many quotes from Kill The Boy Band  that rang true for me, and made me smile as though I knew a secret.  Which I suppose I do.  I know how crazy and exciting and scary and dangerous and awesome it is to love something so hard it makes you hurt.  

The thing about loving something that hard is that it's dangerous.  It's a fine line you walk in fandom, especially bandom and celebrity fandom.  You want to know every detail of these people's lives, what makes them tick, what they want, what they need.  But at the end of the day, they're just people.  One of the astounding aspects of this book is that the girls literally kidnap a member of their favorite band and yet somehow I still think it's a somewhat positive depiction of fans.  Sure, there are some incredibly ugly and terrifying moments, but then you have moments like this: 

“Maybe it was obsession, but it was also happiness; an escape from the suckiness of everyday life. And when you find something that makes you happy and giddy and excited every day, us fangirls know a truth that everyone else seems to have forgotten: you hold on to that joy tenaciously, for as long as you can.” 

 I couldn't have said it better myself. Sure, they got carried away, but...I kind of get it?  I did have some problems with the book.  I didn't find the band that was at the core of the narrative believable at all.  I could understand that they were going for a 1D thing (again...I want a book about boybands in the 90's!!  At the height of the mania!  Someone write THAT book and model the band after BSB!!!) but I just didn't care about the band members in any way, which made it hard to get into the mind of the protagonist. I also feel like the book was campy and was supposed to be campy, but it took me a while to realize that it was poking fun at itself.  The tone was a little confusing.  Sadly, the best part of this book are the pull quotes.  

I'm glad I took on this project and I'm happy to report that I think I have a story that is unlike any that has been written on the subject, so that's cool.  I'm excited to share it...eventually. 

Peace, Love, and Strepurs,

KT