Kill the Boy Band: Book Review.

Alright folks, we're rounding third and heading into home.  This summer I took it upon myself to read a bunch of books about fandom, which was mostly self serving (I'm trying to get my own book, which is about fandom, published and I need to make sure I wasn't accidentally stealing anyone's ideas).  The last book on this list was Kill The Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky.

“Because the truth is, it isn't worth loving something if you aren't going to love it all the way.” 

This book is definitely different than any book, and definitely any book about fandom, that I have ever read.  It follows four girls (Erin, Isabella, Apple, and the unnamed narrator) through a crazy adventure full of kidnapping, crazy fangirls, and murder.  What I loved most about this story was how much it delved into the psyche of the fangirl, something that will fascinate me until my dying day.  It's something I explore a lot in my own book.  There are so many quotes from Kill The Boy Band  that rang true for me, and made me smile as though I knew a secret.  Which I suppose I do.  I know how crazy and exciting and scary and dangerous and awesome it is to love something so hard it makes you hurt.  

The thing about loving something that hard is that it's dangerous.  It's a fine line you walk in fandom, especially bandom and celebrity fandom.  You want to know every detail of these people's lives, what makes them tick, what they want, what they need.  But at the end of the day, they're just people.  One of the astounding aspects of this book is that the girls literally kidnap a member of their favorite band and yet somehow I still think it's a somewhat positive depiction of fans.  Sure, there are some incredibly ugly and terrifying moments, but then you have moments like this: 

“Maybe it was obsession, but it was also happiness; an escape from the suckiness of everyday life. And when you find something that makes you happy and giddy and excited every day, us fangirls know a truth that everyone else seems to have forgotten: you hold on to that joy tenaciously, for as long as you can.” 

 I couldn't have said it better myself. Sure, they got carried away, but...I kind of get it?  I did have some problems with the book.  I didn't find the band that was at the core of the narrative believable at all.  I could understand that they were going for a 1D thing (again...I want a book about boybands in the 90's!!  At the height of the mania!  Someone write THAT book and model the band after BSB!!!) but I just didn't care about the band members in any way, which made it hard to get into the mind of the protagonist. I also feel like the book was campy and was supposed to be campy, but it took me a while to realize that it was poking fun at itself.  The tone was a little confusing.  Sadly, the best part of this book are the pull quotes.  

I'm glad I took on this project and I'm happy to report that I think I have a story that is unlike any that has been written on the subject, so that's cool.  I'm excited to share it...eventually. 

Peace, Love, and Strepurs,

KT 

Fangirl: Book Review

Hey Friends!!  How was your week?  Mine was kind of crazy...I taught a class of 27 third through fifth graders the magic of theatre and my mom is here visiting!  I'm very happy that it is Saturday, and I can kick back and blog.

In my last post, I reviewed Grace and the Fever , a book about band fandom and one that I loved more than I even expected to.  Now, if you know me at all, you know that fandom is very important to me! However, you might not know that I have written a novel about it, and I am in the process of trying to get it published.  So even though I really wanted to read Grace because of the subject matter, I also had to make sure I wasn't unknowingly ripping off Zan's work.  Well...as I am want to do, I fell into a rabbithole of fandom books. After reading Grace,  Goodreads told me to read Fangirl and Kill the Boy Band.  I thought to myself, "Might as well make sure I'm not unknowingly stealing anyone's fandom fiction ideas, right??"  So up first...FANGIRL!!

Okay, so to be honest this isn't the first time I have read this novel.  It came out in 2013 and I read it but...that was a time in my life where a lot of stuff was happening and it was really hard for me to focus on anything (especially books), so reading it this time kind of felt like it was new.  I just had a vague recollection of the course of the story and there were some parts I had no memory of at all (the brain is a weird, weird thing).

I think there is something about being a fan that is universal across all fandoms.  I would never say I was in the Harry Potter fandom.  I LOVE Harry Potter.  I have read the books countless times, I own all the movies, and I've been to the theme park.  I dressed up at midnight for releases.  I waited in line for the last book, and stayed up all night finishing it.  There will never be something like Harry Potter for me.  But...HP was not what I made friends through, or wrote fanfiction about, or cried my eyes out over.

That certainly doesn't mean I can't appreciate this story, which is, in my opinion, a love letter to the Harry Potter fandom.  The story follows Cath, a girl who is deeply committed to the Simon Snow fandom (a popular series of books and movies).

"Reading was too quiet - She needed to write."

I love this book's focus on fanfic.  I have a lot of feelings about fanfic, and if you would like to talk to me about it, I would be more than happy to.  To this day, fanfic is still my favorite hobby.  It brings me joy even in the darkest of moments, and it helps me 100% of the time I have writer's block.  I've been writing fanfic since before I can even remember.  Seriously.  I was unknowingly writing fanfiction from the time I learned how to spell.  Cath is a well known fanfic author in the Simon Snow fandom, and has thousands of people reading her stories.  She's grappling with trying to write original fiction while still keeping herself and her readers happy.  The story itself branches out and explores her time at college, relationships with friends and family, and her first love.  But at the core of all this is her deep well of passion for the characters of Simon Snow.

If you love  something so much it hurts, or you love something so much you googled fanfic about it because you didn't want the story to end, or you love something so much you stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking to your friends on internet forums dedicated to the thing, do yourself a favor and read Fangirl.  Even if you can't necessarily connect to Cath's fandom (which mirrors one of the biggest fandoms in history so maybe that's silly to say), you will definitely connect to the comfort and happiness she finds in it.

"Sometimes writing is running downhill, your fingers jerking behind you on the keyboard the way your legs do when they can't quite keep up with gravity."

Grace and the Fever: Book Review

Hi, my name is KT, and I will absolutely read, watch, or listen to anything about fandom.  I also love writing about it, so when I finished the book "Grace and the Fever" by Zan Romanoff in only two days, I knew I was going to have to write about it.

A little background on my fannish experiences:  I started young.  Like, really young.  I first heard MmmBop when I was only six.  I went to my first boy band concert when I was only ten.  I saw RENT for the first time when I was only eleven.  I fell deeply in love with Spring Awakening when I was only sixteen.  I dove headfirst into the world of band and musical theatre fandom, and never looked back.  I heard about this book from my good friend Bethany, which is fitting seeing as Bethany and I are friends because of our mutual love of Hanson, and immediately pre-ordered it.  Zan is a self professed Hanson fan, so when I read the description I was...excited to say the least.  Very relevant to my interests, thank you, I'll take ten (just kidding I only ordered one).  And then the book came and I started reading.......

........And I didn't really stop until I was finished.  Except to go to work.  And sleep a little bit.

This book follows Grace, a huge fan of the band Fever Dream, through her last summer at home before heading off to college.  Like many band fics, Grace stumbles upon a member of the band, and the rest of the summer unfolds in camera flashes and music industry parties, with Grace being pulled into a completely new world.

To me, the main conflict of this book is not Grace vs. The Fans or Grace vs. The Band, or even Grace vs. Her Friends (who she often ditches to go hang out with her new pop star acquaintances).  The arc of this story centers around Grace vs. Her Online Persona, aka Gigi.  The story made me ache in all the right ways because I have been both Grace and Gigi. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been deeply entrenched in the Hanson fandom since before I even properly knew how to use the internet. For years I kept that life and passion very separate from my real life, for a lot of different reasons.  The main reason was that I just thought that's kind of how fandom worked. It was a separate world, and one that I could escape to when life got hard, and trust me...it did. I recovered from a disorder that was entirely built on lies and secrets. I used to find worth and meaning in those secrets. But then, I started finding happiness and joy and RELEASE in telling people about what happened to me and why I did it. I became an open book. I unlearned the art of secret keeping and lie telling. And slowly but surely...I realized that I didn't have to separate everything quite so nicely. I could just be myself...unapologetically. My fandom friends could also be my real friends, and vice versa.  So while the merging of my two lives wasn't exactly a wild whirlwind like Grace's experience, it still happened.  It was still something I had to figure out.

SO ANYWAY, not to make this review entirely about myself, but I think that's what is so beautiful about this book. I'm sure we (and by we I mean those of us in band fandom) can all see ourselves SOMEWHERE in this book. The story is definitely NOT a Hanson story, I can see a lot more inspiration from the One Direction narrative than any other real band, but at the same time Fever Dream is still it's own, beautiful entity. Even though there isn't much about fic in the book (except for maybe one slash reference), it reads a lot like a fic, which is probably why I read it so quickly. That being said, there are a lot of familiar fic-like tropes used throughout the book that made me smile knowingly.

"Voices in tight, athletic harmony, singing songs that shoot straight up her spine to fill her to the brim with joy, or longing, or maybe it’s both at the same time.  It’s everything all at once.  It happens too fast to name any particular feeling.  There’s only this, only now unfolding, carrying her on its broad back."

I'm obviously very passionate about fandom.  It's my home, and the place where I feel the most loved and accepted.  It also challenges me and makes me crazy.  I wouldn't change the all encompassing life style of loving something so hard it hurts.  I hope you find something you love as much as Grace loves Fever Dream or as much as I love Hanson.  Because trust me...it's the best feeling in the world.

Books = Friends

I often joke that I love books more than I love people.  You know that's not true (especially if you are the receiver of my fangirl ways...oh wait...that's literally everyone on the planet) but I really, REALLY love books.  They are such a huge part of my life, and I am so thankful for my parents for raising me to always be reading.  I carry at least one book with me wherever I go because I am also chronically early for things.

People often ask me "how do you find time to read?" Um...I make time.  Because it is something I find enjoyable and it brings me more happiness than almost anything in the world!  If I didn't read, I would be miserable! The other night, we had some cast bonding time and were asking each other hypothetical questions about being stuck on a deserted island.  The question of "what book/series would you want with you?" arose.  At first I panicked, because that is like choosing a child to me.  I...I...Can't I bring them all?!  It got me thinking about my favorite books of all time and what I would recommend to people who don't inherently find themselves stuck in a book.  I am often asked for reading recommendations and I love lists soooo...this happened:

KT's Top Ten Books/Series - Fall time is a perfect time to READ!!  Get a book, make some tea, and escape to somewhere amazing.

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

This classic is my top, number one, favorite book of all time.  If you haven't read it, just do yourself a favor and join the millions of fans in the world.  If you have read it, take a second trip to Maycomb, Alabama!  You will not be disappointed either way.  I have read this book countless times, and was fortunate enough to bring the story to life in college.  Playing Mayella is one of my very favorite memories from NKU, and there is a reason this story is a classic.  You can find something new and discover another facet of the story every time you read it.

2. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

I love Neil Gaiman. I have read all of his books and yet I always have to find where they are in every bookstore I ever enter.  Why?!  Why do I do this?!  I honestly don't know.  Good Omens is my favorite thing he has ever written.  It is hilarious, and creepy, and beautiful, and breathtaking, and terrifying.  Get ready for apocalyptic, angel of death REALNESS.

3. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien

This is what I chose to bring with me if I were to be stranded on that hypothetical deserted island.  Yes I chose the whole trilogy (the rule was book OR SERIES, OKAY?!). I just...I just love LOTR so much. I can't even really put it into words (real eloquent, KT). You have all probably seen the movies (I may or may not have chosen those for the movies I could bring with me on the deserted island too), but if you are looking for something to read and you enjoy fantasy in any way, please do yourself a favor and just begin the delightful journey through Middle Earth.

4. How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff

Sigh...This. Book. I have read this book over 50 times and I really wish I was exaggerating.  It's a quick read and at this point I can just read it in a few hours.  It's my ultimate comfort book, because I connect with Daisy more than any other literary character EVER.  It's very YA, so proceed with that in mind.   Once I emailed Meg Rosoff, and she provided me with an insight that became one of my every day affirmations - "People with eating disorders are just hungry for life, if we can only realign our hunger." 

5. Harry Potter by JK Rowling

I mean....do I really need to say anything?

6. The Giver by Lois Lowr

In my HUMBLE opinion, the best YA novel to ever exist.  A classic, as far as I'm concerned.

7.  The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

People are often surprised at how much I adore this book, but I will defend it to the death.  If you need a feel good, every thing happens for a reason, every end is the beginning, insert cliche positive affirmation here, pick up a copy of this.  If you're ready for some ugly crying, pick up a copy of this.  If you need a reminder that life is amazing and that you matter, pick up a copy of this.

8. Wild by Cheryl Strayed

I have written a review of this book here. Strayed's journey of self discovery is just incredible, and I love the honesty and brutality...which makes the payoff all the better in the end.

9. The 19th Wife by David Ebershoff

My strange obsession : Fundamentalist Mormonism. Seriously, talk to me about it please.  This quote sums it up best: "Happiness is a risk, and Mormon Polygamy is full of gamblers, leading lives of purpose and drama, all the things I want in my own life."

10. The Mammy, The Chisellers, and The Granny by Brendan O'Carroll

You can blow through this trilogy in three days at MOST.  You won't want to put down this Irish family tale and you'll fall so in love with the characters that you'll feel like part of the family.  As you read about their struggles and triumphs, you will likely shed a happy tear as you watch the children grow and pass on the familial love to the next generation.

What are you reading?  I'd love to know YOUR top ten!!  Happy reading!

100 Reasons to Recover...

Often during recovery, bad thoughts and temptations get in the way and cloud your judgement.  When that happens, I look at this list...my 100 reasons to recover.  There are countless more that I discover every day, but this list always grounds me and makes me so happy to be alive. 

1. So I can be onstage and tell my story.

2. So that I can be there for my friends when they are struggling just like they have been there for me.
3. So I can be a positive role model.
4. So that I can help people.
5. So that next time I see my brother, I won't be relapsing like the last 2 times he came to visit. So he can see that I've actually made progress. That I am getting better. That I am taking charge of my life.  He can be proud of me and worry just a little less.

6. Because I deserve to love myself.

7.  So that my mom can stop worrying about her 23 year old, adult daughter. 

8.  So that I can stop having panic attacks about the panic attacks that I keep having in front of my sister.

9. So I can go long distance hiking, hopefully on the AT!! I want to conquer the trail, summit mountains, be a part of the wonder of nature, and NOT fall over backwards because my pack weighs more than I do.

10. So that I can travel the world.

11. Because I'M HILARIOUS.

12. Because I always...ALWAYS finish what I've started.

13. Because I always...ALWAYS stick to the plan. My plan is to recover. 

14. Because life is too short.

15. Brownies.

16. So I can go back to NYC, be an actress, party like a rockstar, and not want to just sleep constantly.
17. SINGING!!!
18. Angela.
19. So that I can play some more dream roles.
20. So that people look at me because I'm radiating with joy, not because they're worried about me.
21. So that I can make people smile.
22. So that I can learn new and exciting things with a fully functioning brain.
23. Because my smile is a beacon that needs to shine all the way to heaven to light the Mark World of Delight.
24. So that I can be on Broadway.
25. So that I can carry heavy things without falling down and having people laugh at me.
26. Pizza.
27. So that I can bake delicious treats and actually eat them with everyone at the same time.
28. So that I can finish my musical and share it with the world.
29. So that I'm not cold all the time.
30. MY HAIR!!
31. So that I can go out dancing.

32. So that I can go out drinking.

33. So that I can experience new and exciting foods from around the world.

34. So that I can be spontaneous!

35. So that I can order bar food and not feel guilty.

36. So I can write a book.

37. So I can meet my soulmate and fall in love. 

38. So I can be a mom and raise my children to love and accept themselves and others.

39. High notes.

40. Flexibility - both mentally and physically.

41. Recovery tattoo.

42. No more starvation brain fog.

43. No more lanugo.

44. No more awkward bruising.

45. Food anytime, anywhere, with anyone.

46. So I can go to Australia.

47. No more food lies.

48. No more fear of intimacy.

49. To enjoy holidays.

50. To not plan ahead.

51. To not live by rules, rules, rules.

52. So that I can create something amazing!

53. So that I can ride a bike for miles and miles and feel like I'm flying. 

54. To explore!

55. To make new friends. 

56. Orange Juice.

57. My voice in my brain and no one else's. 

58. Awkward ED humor.

59. So that I can be a motivational speaker and eventually speak on NKU's campus...preferably the theatre department...

60. So I can be a casting director.

61. So I never feel like I'm about to pass out while I"m driving. 

62. So my children can be disgustingly close with their cousins.

63. So my children can marry Robyn's children.

64. So I can be more and more like Shirley Temple (my queen) every day. 

65. There are a lot of books to read.

66. There are a lot of movies to see.

67. There are a lot of shows to watch.

68. So that I can eventually play Emily on stage and not be terrified.

69. Tap dancing.

70. Disney World.

71. Because I'm strong and people assume I'm weak...I love proving people wrong.
72. Because there are so many people in this world who deserve more but can't see it.  I want to show them that it's possible.
73. So that my story can have a happy ending.
74. Yoga.
75. Smoothies.
76. So I can make my Dad proud.

77. So that I can hike the Alps as an adult.

78. So that my siblings and I can grow old together and keep having fun.

79. So I can be in Beth's wedding.

80. So I can be in Robyn's wedding. 

81. So I can be in Sarah R's wedding.

82. So I can be in Jessica's wedding.

83. Because my Mom is the best ever and doesn't deserve this.

84. Because I have come so far already.

85. There are so many delicious treats to be nommed.

86. So I can have my own cat.

87. Because I want to make my children surprise lunches.

88. Because I want my musical to change someone's life for the better.

89. So I can speak/sing at NCYC. 

90. Panini Church

91. So I can go back and have a D-town day with Sarah and Carla.

92. Because everybody loves pie.

93. Because my family has been so supportive and wonderful.

94. Daffodils.

95. So I can go to the world cup and cheer on my boys.

96. So that I can free up all that brain space.

97. So that I never feel silent again.

98. Because I have so much to give to the world.

99. Because I've only just begun.

100.  BECAUSE THIS IS NOT THE END OF MY STORY.

Books, Books, Books!!

It's Wednesday!  Thankfully, my beautiful, new Chromebook laptop was delivered to me this afternoon, so I can kick this blogging back into high gear!  I've only done a few posts since my old lappy died (RIP) but now that I have a new and improved computer, I will be doing more posts.

This week for book day, I'm going to do a sort of "lightning round" style of reviewing.  I've read four books since my last review , so instead of doing a separate post for each one, I will just do four shorter reviews in one fell swoop!  Here we go!

The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth - By Alexandra Robbins

I've been on a bit of a non-fiction kick lately, and I tore through this book like there was no tomorrow.  I ended up being so passionate about it, in fact, that Beth asked me to do a post  over on her blog!  I found myself absolutely enthralled with these individual's lives - delving into the psyche of teenagers by way of anthropological research!  I've talked enough about how important I believe coming of age stories are, and in this book you get to take a peek into real coming of age stories, sometimes with outcomes you wouldn't expect.  You will find yourself thinking back to high school with all sorts of different emotions, but in the end you will be proud of the accomplishments, lessons, and quirks that defined your four years.  Please hop on over to Beth's blog to read more of my thoughts!

The Way - by Kristen Wolf

I have a strange, book related tradition that I have kept for some time now - around Christmas, I read "How Far to Bethlehem" (yes, every year) and around Easter I read some sort of Jesus related book. This year, I decided to go with "The Way", which takes the story we know so well and turns it into something completely new!  While the writing left a bit to be desired, it was fascinating seeing this story play out (especially because I knew what was going to happen in the end).  Without giving too much away, this novel follows Anna, an extremely strong and powerful girl who has always been called "handsome" instead of the adjectives society generally distributes to those of the female sex.  When her younger brother, Jesus, dies while being born, one thing leads to another and soon the reader is following her on a very unexpected journey.  She is taught the ancient ways of loving the earth and each other from a group of women in the desert, and in turn becomes a teacher herself.  Was it the best Jesus book I've ever read?  Far from it.  But it was very interesting and made me think about a story that has been drilled into my head for years in a completely new way.

Secrets and Wives: The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy - by Sanjiv Bhattacharya

Mormon Polygamy is one of my favorite topics in the history of the world.  Don't ask me why.  I literally can't get enough. I have spent hours thinking about which number wife I would want to be (I am the best suited to be a second, and I would love to discuss this with you). I wish there were about a trillion more episodes of "Big Love" for me to watch.  I long for a live stream of the Brown households (from "Sister Wives") that I could just creep on whenever I need my fix.  Luckily, there are plenty of books on the subject, many of which I have already read.  This one has been on my list for a while, and I might just have to say it's my favorite so far!  Bhattacharya is fearless in his investigations of the different worlds the Fundamentalist Mormon religion has created throughout the country.  Not to mention he is absolutely hilarious.  I found myself cackling loudly one minute, then cringing with disgust.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  What I loved most was how honest he was.  This quote sums up my feelings, and why I am so utterly obsessed, very well:

"Happiness is a risk, and Mormon Polygamy is full of gamblers, leading lives of purpose and drama, all the things I want in my own life." 

Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape  - by Jenna Miscavige Hill

Oh man, this book was difficult to read for a few different reasons.  First of all, it really is beyond belief, as the title implies.  My brain was so confused because it thought I was reading a dystopian novel about a futuristic world!!  I had to constantly remind myself that this was a true story, and that this woman who is not much older than me went through it.  Second of all, the narrative voice is a bit robotic and disturbing.  As you're reading it, you can definitely tell Jenna was brainwashed.  Lastly, the things she had to go through are very shocking, and I found myself having to take breathers to wrap my head around what was happening!  All of that aside, this book was astounding.  I recommend it to anyone who is interested in cult-like religions, or if you have just read one too many books on Mormon Polygamy and need some new cray cray thing to read about.

What have you been reading?! I'd love to know!

Little Joys, Little Victories

HELLOOOOO!! Wow I have not blogged in a while.  This is because my laptop died (RIP) and when it comes to spending money I love to put things off until I can't live without whatever it is I need to spend money on.  It's one of my special skills (which also include devil sticks, whistle tones, and reading all of the books). Anyway, even though I haven't been updating my blog, I have had a fantastic couple of weeks!  And really, nothing that exciting has happened - but my life has been so full of little moments of happiness and tiny recovery triumphs that when I look at them all together, it's pretty overwhelming.

If you had told me earlier in my life that I would suffer from depression, I probably would have replied "Excuse me don't you know WHO I AM?!" I made it a point to have positivity streaming out of every orifice, and when it didn't feel natural, I did it anyway!! The sun will come out tomorrow so help me God, and if it doesn't, I will build a sun lamp. Little did I know that a short way down the road I would be the girl laying on her floor, looking up at the ceiling, and crying because she can't stop crying.  Or having an anxiety attack because she's pretty sure her face has swollen 3 times it's natural size over night. But, that's where we find ourselves sometimes.  Desperately hoping for some amazing thing to happen and to break us out of the sadness burrito we have found ourselves wrapped in.  At least, that's what I kept praying for.  But then all of the little things started adding up, fueling my fire, and making feel well...like a motherfucking WARRIOR.

Here are a few examples.  Alone..."oh cool, KT I'm glad you had a good day but why are you belting?"  Together...EVERYTHING IS AWESOME.

I made a total life upgrade by purchasing this adorable backpack and carrying it instead of a purse.  My sister has had one for a while, and I finally decided to make the switch.  Um...MY LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE.

I got to see one of my very favorite people, Nicole!!  We go way back to the Summer of Love - LCT 2003.  Since then we have gone to high school together, obsessed over the same people, and lived together in New York.  Oh and I won a bucket so...I'm set.

I feel like I've made HUMONGOUS strides in my recovery process, and each day I become more and more passionate about my journey and helping others who are also struggling.  It's really overwhelming to feel this deeply about something.  This past week I feel like EH finally hit me harder than I've ever experienced (that's Extreme Hunger - what happens when the body's hunger cues finally start lining up, metabolism kicks in, and all of a sudden...NOM NOM NOM GIVE ME ALL THE FOOD), and although I thought that EH would scare the shit out of me, it was actually fun and liberating.  I'm so proud of myself.

 

I celebrated a glorious Easter Sunday with my family (minus Andy, but I'll see him SO SOON).  It was relaxing after kicking it into over drive in church world to just prepare a delicious meal, enjoy the sunshine, have good conversation, and share a pie moment (rhubarb, what else).  Another victory - first holiday without a panic attack and absolutely NO Emily in sight.  Self five!

I've been reading some really great books including "Secrets and Wives" which is about my favorite subject of all time - MORMON POLYGAMY!

Laine and I took a mini road trip to NKU to see Spamalot!  On the way, we had fantastic conversation and iced coffee (what more do you need in life?!). While there, we met up with Hannah for drinks before hand, saw friends at the show, and stopped by Brandon's apartment to say hi.  I can't even explain how good it was to see everyone and to see an amazing production!  I am so proud to be an NKU theatre alum.

Mom and I made some delicious home made pizza, Veg-Bergers style.

It is warm and I have been spending lots of time outside in the sunshine. Happy KT.

I've had countless phone conversations with people I love.

I started a new journal.

I'm almost done with season 3 of "McLeod's Daughters."

Daryl Harris came to me in a dream.

Less than a month until Florida.

Everything is going to be OK.

What I Read: The Handmaid's Tale

"Night falls.  Or has fallen.  Why is it that night falls, instead of rising, like the dawn?"

It's book day, it's book day, it's book day!!  Wednesdays are cool. And now they are even COOLER because it's the day I do my weekly book review.  Ok, ok, so I am the only person that would get excited about that but I love books and I love talking about them. SO RAMBLE, I SHALL! This week I read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood...

Why I read it: Ever since I watched this trailer and had a LOT of feelings about it, I've been having a hankering for some good old, dystopian literature. It's one of my favorite genres and this particular book has been on my to-read list for a while.  Not to mention, the weather lately has been nothing short of apocalyptic and I'm very susceptible to that. All of these factors just made me want to read something futuristic and bleak, you know?! Just me?  Alright,  moving right along....

What I loved: I enjoyed how Offred, the protagonist who's true name we never learn, jumps right into the story without any exposition.  I felt like a detective reading my way through the book, picking up context clues and piecing together how our own world has become in this iteration of the future.  She hops between  flashbacks from her previous existence, her own thoughts, and the action taking place around her.  I've always been a fan of stream of consciousness narratives, and this one was fun to follow.  This society's structure was fascinating and terrifying at the same time.  Without coming out and stating "I'm scared", the narrative voice makes the reader feel the imminent danger and fear dwelling beneath the surface of the highly calculated world that has been created. 

What I didn't love:  While I respect the author's choice to keep everything about this story mysterious, I couldn't help but want a bit more information!  This is really a testament to the writing, but I definitely wanted to know more about the society and the chain of events which morphed our world into the one in the book. I wanted so badly to know more about the political atmosphere, since I know the politics of the time heavily influenced Atwood's writing.  I also wanted to know every single detail about Offred's life before and what happened to Luke and their daughter.  Obviously, since this book is written in first person and Offred doesn't know these facts, that would be impossible...but that doesn't mean I'm not a curious kitten! 

Why you should read it: 

-If you love dystopian and post-apocalyptic literature: What are you waiting for?  This is everything you love. 

-If you are interested in women's rights: This book puts an interesting spin on how far we have come as women.  In the new society women have virtually no rights, yet in an age of declining births they are a commodity. It definitely made me thankful for all the pioneers who came before me.

-If you love certain YA books but want to be a little more adult: We are a generation of 20-somethings that is clinging on to our beloved young adult novels with every ounce of strength we have.  But , never fear!  This book gave me everything I could ask for when all I wanted to do was re-read The Giver for the 34th time. 

"But who can remember pain, once it's over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind." 

What I Read: The Virgin Suicides

"And it was then Cecilia gave orally what was to be her only form of suicide note, and a useless one at that, because she was going to live: 'Obviously, Doctor' she said, 'you've never been a thirteen year old girl.'"

Why I read it: I finally got around to reading The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides after loving the movie for years.  I will never forget the first time I watched the movie (warning...this story is REAL real). I was with my friends Robyn, Meaghan, and Alycia and I had just gotten back to campus from singing at a friend's funeral.  Yes, my friend from youth group had recently committed suicide and the family had asked me to sing.  Of course I said yes, and the whole experience was incredibly surreal.  I returned to school the same day, emotionally exhausted and in a strange haze.  I didn't even process the fact that this was the DVD we were popping in for movie night (you'd think the title alone would make my ears perk up). Needless to say, the moment Cecilia is successful and the camera cuts to her bird-boned body skewered on the fence post, a wave of nausea overtook me and I begged my friends to switch movies.  Thankfully, we did (for those curious, we decided to go with the CLASSIC..."Lestat".  Always a winner. Always a solid choice.). A few weeks later I borrowed the movie, got through it, and actually loved it because I am sick and twisted and adore things like this (also so what if I have a strange obsession with Kirsten Dunst?!)...AAAANYWAY. 

What I loved: There's a very specific strain of pop culture that just...SPEAKS TO ME for whatever reason and that is coming of age stories.  I can't and never will get enough of them. I mean we can reference the obvious here: Spring Awakening is my life, liberty, and my pursuit of happiness, thank you, good night. I have read How I live Now so many times that my copy is falling apart and I can quote entire pages. Even though I'm 23, I find myself binge watching Dance Academy on Netflix.  I could write a freaking dissertation on it but I think the reason I love these stories is that everyone goes through this period in their lives. It connects us as a species. Everyone knows what it is like to be a teenager/young adult struggling to find yourself in the midst of all the bullshit.  Everyone looks back on their teens/early twenties and thinks to themselves "wow, why did I make such a big deal out of that?!" But THAT'S THE THING...It is a big deal.  That's what I loved about this book and other coming of age stories that end tragically.  They are honest. They don't apologize for the fact that, yea when you're an adult, being overprotected and under-appreciated by your parents isn't the end of the world, but when you are a teenager, it can be a matter of life or death.  And that's OK!! As long as we're willing to realize it and make sure the future generations are given the opportunity to express themselves in healthy ways. 

There are definitely other things I loved (don't mind me going off on a rant about puberty. I'm a special kind of special): the fact that it was told from the neighborhood boys' point of view, their growing obsession and fascination with the girls, and the beautiful imagery throughout. 

Why you should read it:

-If you are a human who is passed the threshold of puberty: If this applies to you, CONGRATULATIONS, you had a triumphant teenage experience.  Sure, you were probably harassed by a bully, embarrassed by your peers, and pressured by your parents...but you lived, didn't you?  And that is a TRIUMPH.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Oh, and then read this book so you know what it's like when people don't get through it alive.  

-If you, like me, love slightly twisted things that make your skin crawl: The descriptions in this novel are so honest that you have to wonder if something exactly like this didn't happen to Eugenides himself. 

-If you are a parent: It's a good case study in what not to do. 

Keep reading, pretty people! <33 

March Madness

I promised myself on the last day of February, before I whispered "Lapin, lapin" at midnight, that March was going to be an awesome month.  I never have and never will be a huge fan of February.  It always kinda sucks.  So really, no matter what, I knew March was going to be better. True, it had it's lows.  My brain decided it would be fun to not let me sleep through the night once (4:30 am has become my witching hour. Every...single...night...awesome).  I had to go pick up my Mom from Northern Kentucky in the wee hours after she got in a horrible car wreck (she's fine, but the car is not). I'm still slogging my way through recovery and attempting to find total self acceptance.  But honestly, this month has been pretty great.  I feel like so much good happened that the bad is just a tiny blip on my radar. Now that the month is coming to a close, I can only imagine how epic April will be...

This month I was a Kentucky Rose with six other amazing young women.  I have loved getting to know them...they are all awesome people who I have no doubt will go far in life!

This month I got to celebrate!!

Not only was it the month of St. Patrick's day fun, but I also celebrated my Mom's birthday, the first day of Spring, and booking an awesome role!

This month I crafted...

...did lots of reading...

...explored...

...sang...

...and was reminded every moment how much music heals my soul and makes me happier than I can imagine.  

This month I had the night of my life at the KY Rose of Tralee Ball...

...and screamed with delight when I learned of the next role I will be playing!!

Here's to an awesome April. Angela and I are planning on having a pretty great one.  Don't forget to LAPIN LAPIN!  

<33