On The Road - Atlanta

After getting home from the St. Pete concert, and after about an hour of being too wired to go to sleep but too tired to do anything but eat pizza and lay on my bed chugging water, I CRASHED.  But, there wasn’t too much time to sleep...before I knew it, Sarah’s alarm was going off and we somehow woke up to drive to Atlanta to do the whole crazy thing over again.  I felt...well honestly really bad that morning.  I was coming off of a week of Hurricane Irma evacuation (aka barely any sleep and lots of stress and anxiety), a weekend of travelling to Kentucky, playing four live gigs in three days, a day of camping in line, and over two hours of jumping and screaming in the sweltering front row.  BUT, I’ve done a lot of things whilst under the weather, both with and without a voice.  As a performer with a notoriously weak immune system, you just learn how to rally.  God bless Sarah for being patient with me while I was being the most annoying...okay here we go!  Thoughts from Atlanta!

And in the moment, when the dust is spun
You’ll have time for contemplation underneath the desert sun…

• The entire Hanson catalogue of music ALMOST takes you all the way from St. Pete to Atlanta and back again.  We didn’t go in chronological order, and we even listened to Snowed In and some of the very deepest cuts, but we almost made it all the way home before switching over my second favorite musical trio - The Lonely Island.

• It is possible to be just as excited for your best friend’s meet and greet as you would be for your own.  Sarah got a meet and greet for Atlanta and at first, I’m not going to lie, I was pretty jealous.  BUT, I was mostly excited for her.  And when we got to the venue and had to be split up (a travesty), I found myself bragging to the people around me that she was about to meet the guys and peeking into the window to watch when she went in (WHAT?!  That’s not weird!!  #codependent).  I couldn’t figure out why I was nervous!!  Even after I went into the venue, I was shaking with excitement FOR HER, and seeing her huge smile was just as good as having the experience myself!

• The line in Atlanta was the polar opposite of St. Pete.  Both line experiences were awesome for different reasons, but they were vastly different.  In St. Pete, we got there hours before the sun rose and watched as the line continued to grow throughout the day.  We were asked by countless people who we were waiting for, and our answer caused some pretty bewildered faces.  By 5pm the line was blocks long.  In Atlanta, I lined up 5:30pm and was not far from the door.  I was surrounded by people who were clearly more casual fans, and some people who admitted to not knowing that Hanson was even still playing music until they caught wind of this tour.  But I will say that everyone around me was in awesome spirits, and genuinely excited for the show, which made me really happy.  There was even a woman who kept talking about how the only band she would see more than once was the Backstreet Boys and I was like girl, I get you.  I understand you.

• Getting front row in St. Pete was an EVENT.  Getting front row in Atlanta was literally me walking up to the barricade and meeting Sarah right in the middle with literally no resistance.  So...that was cool.

• Again, nothing will beat those first five songs and the epic transitions woven in between them.  Utterly obsessed forever.

• Highlights of the night:
• Great Divide was pretty epic.  As we all know, The Walk isn’t my favorite album and it’s rarely one I just listen to when I want to listen to Hanson.  But hearing this passionate, intense song live was awesome.

• Go was once again a highlight for me.  Zac is just...so...amazing live and like...yeah.  This kind of felt like Zac’s show to me.  He was so on point and really just leaving it all out there on the stage for us (I think he was just really excited for his new 26”).  

• I think I blacked out during Juliet in St. Pete (it was just a lot okay? I was overwhelmed), but it was definitely a high point for me in Atlanta.

• Strong Enough to Break made me cry very hard...AGAIN.

• Penny, always.  My love for this song has taken on a life of it's own, but I always feel a smile from someone during it, and here’s why.

• With You In Your Dreams used to make me emotional when I was much younger, but I’ve been pretty desensitized to it. I’ve heard it so many times. This night, however, I got pretty choked up!  This is a very messed up thought process so, bear with me, but right before they started singing Ike said that the song was going out to anyone who had lost someone special to them...cool, that’s a normal sentiment.  But I’m me, I have a whole host of dead dad issues, and I love to make everything dramatic and sappy.  So for some crazy reason, I started thinking about their kids (all gazillion of them), and how when these three men die, their kids are going to have this song.  This song is one of many that, to me, are about my Dad. They are going to have their actual dads saying “I’ll be with you in your dreams,” and that is such an amazing gift.  Why do I do this to myself?!  Why is this what my brain does?!  So anyway I cried for the SECOND time that night.  Typical.

• I Was Born is just so stunning live.  I mean...listen.  It took me a while to warm up to the song.  When we first heard bits of it, I was pretty much ready to run a campaign to get “Feeling Alive” to be the 25th Anniversary song instead of the song we got.  But at the end of the day, and with Taylor’s speech before the song, and hearing everyone scream “BEFORE”...it’s a really special moment of the night.  

• There’s something to be said for having an audience comprised of casual or returning fans.  And that is that everyone is like...SUPER excited to hear MmmBop.  So yeah, MmmBop was pretty cool.

• Three words.  IN. THE. CITY.

• They played I Don’t Want To Go Home for the final encore and it really is the BEST last song.  I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of this new fan anthem.  We don’t want to go hooooome!  Ever!!!!!  

• This crowd was one of the loudest I've ever heard!! It was the first time since seeing BSB (again, with the BSB!!!) Millenium tour in 1999 that I had to cover my ears because the sound of the screams was rattling my skull.

• Even though I told myself I would take it easy and not scream, of course I didn’t do those things because I have no self control at concerts!! None!!!  So I could tell my voice was toast as soon as the lights came back up.  But that was okay...worth it.   I decided I still wanted to stagedoor, even if it was just to squeak out a few words and snap a picture.

• The bus line was LONG, but we had plenty of entertainment because there were lots of people who used the concert as an opportunity to...well...drink a lot!  Living their best lives, honestly.  

• Concert stagedooring is different than Broadway stagedooring. And listen, that’s a thing that I KNOW but it still shocks me every time.  Maybe because I have spent so many hours of my life loitering on 49th street outside of the Eugene O’Neill theatre so that is my normal, but I never seem to remember how long it takes after concerts.  Sarah and I waited patiently (props to her because I literally wasn’t speaking because I’m a FREAK who FREAKS OUT when I start losing my voice) and Zac came out and was incredibly nice and gracious.  He made time for the every single person in the very long line.  

• Even when you can only squeak out a greeting and ask for a selfie, meeting your biggest songwriting influence is the coolest thing in the world. I didn’t have time or energy or the voice to really get into any shop talk with him (I’ll have more chances later), but I was very grateful to meet Zac and have a silly moment with him.  That boy is literally why I am the kind of lyricist I am today, so I was just a tiny bit star struck.  After waiting a little longer for the other guys, I decided I was too tired and too hungry and just a tiny bit too cranky to wait any longer.  Sarah and I waved goodbye to our concert buddies and headed back to the hotel.  

Even though I was too hungry to even stomach the fast food we got on the way back to the hotel, and even though the next day I would have no voice at all, and even though I would cry because I was so tired and frustrated at my body shutting down, I fell asleep indescribably happy that night.  There really is nothing like Hanson shows, and experiencing them with your best friend is...kind of the best.  It was such an honor to be by Sarah’s side for her first Hanson concert, and to watch her watch them. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank the powers at be for putting me in a show I didn’t even audition for that she happened to be in, so that almost two years later we could be squeezing each other’s hands when the boys sang “hold on to the ones who really care, in the end they’ll be the only one’s there.”  Thanks for being my front row buddy, weirdo!  Okay before this gets too sappy, I’m gonna wrap it up.  

See you in Anaheim, boys!!

Peace, Love, and no goats just normal stuff,

KT

Kill the Boy Band: Book Review.

Alright folks, we're rounding third and heading into home.  This summer I took it upon myself to read a bunch of books about fandom, which was mostly self serving (I'm trying to get my own book, which is about fandom, published and I need to make sure I wasn't accidentally stealing anyone's ideas).  The last book on this list was Kill The Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky.

“Because the truth is, it isn't worth loving something if you aren't going to love it all the way.” 

This book is definitely different than any book, and definitely any book about fandom, that I have ever read.  It follows four girls (Erin, Isabella, Apple, and the unnamed narrator) through a crazy adventure full of kidnapping, crazy fangirls, and murder.  What I loved most about this story was how much it delved into the psyche of the fangirl, something that will fascinate me until my dying day.  It's something I explore a lot in my own book.  There are so many quotes from Kill The Boy Band  that rang true for me, and made me smile as though I knew a secret.  Which I suppose I do.  I know how crazy and exciting and scary and dangerous and awesome it is to love something so hard it makes you hurt.  

The thing about loving something that hard is that it's dangerous.  It's a fine line you walk in fandom, especially bandom and celebrity fandom.  You want to know every detail of these people's lives, what makes them tick, what they want, what they need.  But at the end of the day, they're just people.  One of the astounding aspects of this book is that the girls literally kidnap a member of their favorite band and yet somehow I still think it's a somewhat positive depiction of fans.  Sure, there are some incredibly ugly and terrifying moments, but then you have moments like this: 

“Maybe it was obsession, but it was also happiness; an escape from the suckiness of everyday life. And when you find something that makes you happy and giddy and excited every day, us fangirls know a truth that everyone else seems to have forgotten: you hold on to that joy tenaciously, for as long as you can.” 

 I couldn't have said it better myself. Sure, they got carried away, but...I kind of get it?  I did have some problems with the book.  I didn't find the band that was at the core of the narrative believable at all.  I could understand that they were going for a 1D thing (again...I want a book about boybands in the 90's!!  At the height of the mania!  Someone write THAT book and model the band after BSB!!!) but I just didn't care about the band members in any way, which made it hard to get into the mind of the protagonist. I also feel like the book was campy and was supposed to be campy, but it took me a while to realize that it was poking fun at itself.  The tone was a little confusing.  Sadly, the best part of this book are the pull quotes.  

I'm glad I took on this project and I'm happy to report that I think I have a story that is unlike any that has been written on the subject, so that's cool.  I'm excited to share it...eventually. 

Peace, Love, and Strepurs,

KT 

Grace and the Fever: Book Review

Hi, my name is KT, and I will absolutely read, watch, or listen to anything about fandom.  I also love writing about it, so when I finished the book "Grace and the Fever" by Zan Romanoff in only two days, I knew I was going to have to write about it.

A little background on my fannish experiences:  I started young.  Like, really young.  I first heard MmmBop when I was only six.  I went to my first boy band concert when I was only ten.  I saw RENT for the first time when I was only eleven.  I fell deeply in love with Spring Awakening when I was only sixteen.  I dove headfirst into the world of band and musical theatre fandom, and never looked back.  I heard about this book from my good friend Bethany, which is fitting seeing as Bethany and I are friends because of our mutual love of Hanson, and immediately pre-ordered it.  Zan is a self professed Hanson fan, so when I read the description I was...excited to say the least.  Very relevant to my interests, thank you, I'll take ten (just kidding I only ordered one).  And then the book came and I started reading.......

........And I didn't really stop until I was finished.  Except to go to work.  And sleep a little bit.

This book follows Grace, a huge fan of the band Fever Dream, through her last summer at home before heading off to college.  Like many band fics, Grace stumbles upon a member of the band, and the rest of the summer unfolds in camera flashes and music industry parties, with Grace being pulled into a completely new world.

To me, the main conflict of this book is not Grace vs. The Fans or Grace vs. The Band, or even Grace vs. Her Friends (who she often ditches to go hang out with her new pop star acquaintances).  The arc of this story centers around Grace vs. Her Online Persona, aka Gigi.  The story made me ache in all the right ways because I have been both Grace and Gigi. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been deeply entrenched in the Hanson fandom since before I even properly knew how to use the internet. For years I kept that life and passion very separate from my real life, for a lot of different reasons.  The main reason was that I just thought that's kind of how fandom worked. It was a separate world, and one that I could escape to when life got hard, and trust me...it did. I recovered from a disorder that was entirely built on lies and secrets. I used to find worth and meaning in those secrets. But then, I started finding happiness and joy and RELEASE in telling people about what happened to me and why I did it. I became an open book. I unlearned the art of secret keeping and lie telling. And slowly but surely...I realized that I didn't have to separate everything quite so nicely. I could just be myself...unapologetically. My fandom friends could also be my real friends, and vice versa.  So while the merging of my two lives wasn't exactly a wild whirlwind like Grace's experience, it still happened.  It was still something I had to figure out.

SO ANYWAY, not to make this review entirely about myself, but I think that's what is so beautiful about this book. I'm sure we (and by we I mean those of us in band fandom) can all see ourselves SOMEWHERE in this book. The story is definitely NOT a Hanson story, I can see a lot more inspiration from the One Direction narrative than any other real band, but at the same time Fever Dream is still it's own, beautiful entity. Even though there isn't much about fic in the book (except for maybe one slash reference), it reads a lot like a fic, which is probably why I read it so quickly. That being said, there are a lot of familiar fic-like tropes used throughout the book that made me smile knowingly.

"Voices in tight, athletic harmony, singing songs that shoot straight up her spine to fill her to the brim with joy, or longing, or maybe it’s both at the same time.  It’s everything all at once.  It happens too fast to name any particular feeling.  There’s only this, only now unfolding, carrying her on its broad back."

I'm obviously very passionate about fandom.  It's my home, and the place where I feel the most loved and accepted.  It also challenges me and makes me crazy.  I wouldn't change the all encompassing life style of loving something so hard it hurts.  I hope you find something you love as much as Grace loves Fever Dream or as much as I love Hanson.  Because trust me...it's the best feeling in the world.

Books, Books, Books!!

It's Wednesday!  Thankfully, my beautiful, new Chromebook laptop was delivered to me this afternoon, so I can kick this blogging back into high gear!  I've only done a few posts since my old lappy died (RIP) but now that I have a new and improved computer, I will be doing more posts.

This week for book day, I'm going to do a sort of "lightning round" style of reviewing.  I've read four books since my last review , so instead of doing a separate post for each one, I will just do four shorter reviews in one fell swoop!  Here we go!

The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth - By Alexandra Robbins

I've been on a bit of a non-fiction kick lately, and I tore through this book like there was no tomorrow.  I ended up being so passionate about it, in fact, that Beth asked me to do a post  over on her blog!  I found myself absolutely enthralled with these individual's lives - delving into the psyche of teenagers by way of anthropological research!  I've talked enough about how important I believe coming of age stories are, and in this book you get to take a peek into real coming of age stories, sometimes with outcomes you wouldn't expect.  You will find yourself thinking back to high school with all sorts of different emotions, but in the end you will be proud of the accomplishments, lessons, and quirks that defined your four years.  Please hop on over to Beth's blog to read more of my thoughts!

The Way - by Kristen Wolf

I have a strange, book related tradition that I have kept for some time now - around Christmas, I read "How Far to Bethlehem" (yes, every year) and around Easter I read some sort of Jesus related book. This year, I decided to go with "The Way", which takes the story we know so well and turns it into something completely new!  While the writing left a bit to be desired, it was fascinating seeing this story play out (especially because I knew what was going to happen in the end).  Without giving too much away, this novel follows Anna, an extremely strong and powerful girl who has always been called "handsome" instead of the adjectives society generally distributes to those of the female sex.  When her younger brother, Jesus, dies while being born, one thing leads to another and soon the reader is following her on a very unexpected journey.  She is taught the ancient ways of loving the earth and each other from a group of women in the desert, and in turn becomes a teacher herself.  Was it the best Jesus book I've ever read?  Far from it.  But it was very interesting and made me think about a story that has been drilled into my head for years in a completely new way.

Secrets and Wives: The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy - by Sanjiv Bhattacharya

Mormon Polygamy is one of my favorite topics in the history of the world.  Don't ask me why.  I literally can't get enough. I have spent hours thinking about which number wife I would want to be (I am the best suited to be a second, and I would love to discuss this with you). I wish there were about a trillion more episodes of "Big Love" for me to watch.  I long for a live stream of the Brown households (from "Sister Wives") that I could just creep on whenever I need my fix.  Luckily, there are plenty of books on the subject, many of which I have already read.  This one has been on my list for a while, and I might just have to say it's my favorite so far!  Bhattacharya is fearless in his investigations of the different worlds the Fundamentalist Mormon religion has created throughout the country.  Not to mention he is absolutely hilarious.  I found myself cackling loudly one minute, then cringing with disgust.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  What I loved most was how honest he was.  This quote sums up my feelings, and why I am so utterly obsessed, very well:

"Happiness is a risk, and Mormon Polygamy is full of gamblers, leading lives of purpose and drama, all the things I want in my own life." 

Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape  - by Jenna Miscavige Hill

Oh man, this book was difficult to read for a few different reasons.  First of all, it really is beyond belief, as the title implies.  My brain was so confused because it thought I was reading a dystopian novel about a futuristic world!!  I had to constantly remind myself that this was a true story, and that this woman who is not much older than me went through it.  Second of all, the narrative voice is a bit robotic and disturbing.  As you're reading it, you can definitely tell Jenna was brainwashed.  Lastly, the things she had to go through are very shocking, and I found myself having to take breathers to wrap my head around what was happening!  All of that aside, this book was astounding.  I recommend it to anyone who is interested in cult-like religions, or if you have just read one too many books on Mormon Polygamy and need some new cray cray thing to read about.

What have you been reading?! I'd love to know!

What I Read: The Handmaid's Tale

"Night falls.  Or has fallen.  Why is it that night falls, instead of rising, like the dawn?"

It's book day, it's book day, it's book day!!  Wednesdays are cool. And now they are even COOLER because it's the day I do my weekly book review.  Ok, ok, so I am the only person that would get excited about that but I love books and I love talking about them. SO RAMBLE, I SHALL! This week I read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood...

Why I read it: Ever since I watched this trailer and had a LOT of feelings about it, I've been having a hankering for some good old, dystopian literature. It's one of my favorite genres and this particular book has been on my to-read list for a while.  Not to mention, the weather lately has been nothing short of apocalyptic and I'm very susceptible to that. All of these factors just made me want to read something futuristic and bleak, you know?! Just me?  Alright,  moving right along....

What I loved: I enjoyed how Offred, the protagonist who's true name we never learn, jumps right into the story without any exposition.  I felt like a detective reading my way through the book, picking up context clues and piecing together how our own world has become in this iteration of the future.  She hops between  flashbacks from her previous existence, her own thoughts, and the action taking place around her.  I've always been a fan of stream of consciousness narratives, and this one was fun to follow.  This society's structure was fascinating and terrifying at the same time.  Without coming out and stating "I'm scared", the narrative voice makes the reader feel the imminent danger and fear dwelling beneath the surface of the highly calculated world that has been created. 

What I didn't love:  While I respect the author's choice to keep everything about this story mysterious, I couldn't help but want a bit more information!  This is really a testament to the writing, but I definitely wanted to know more about the society and the chain of events which morphed our world into the one in the book. I wanted so badly to know more about the political atmosphere, since I know the politics of the time heavily influenced Atwood's writing.  I also wanted to know every single detail about Offred's life before and what happened to Luke and their daughter.  Obviously, since this book is written in first person and Offred doesn't know these facts, that would be impossible...but that doesn't mean I'm not a curious kitten! 

Why you should read it: 

-If you love dystopian and post-apocalyptic literature: What are you waiting for?  This is everything you love. 

-If you are interested in women's rights: This book puts an interesting spin on how far we have come as women.  In the new society women have virtually no rights, yet in an age of declining births they are a commodity. It definitely made me thankful for all the pioneers who came before me.

-If you love certain YA books but want to be a little more adult: We are a generation of 20-somethings that is clinging on to our beloved young adult novels with every ounce of strength we have.  But , never fear!  This book gave me everything I could ask for when all I wanted to do was re-read The Giver for the 34th time. 

"But who can remember pain, once it's over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind." 

What I Read: The Virgin Suicides

"And it was then Cecilia gave orally what was to be her only form of suicide note, and a useless one at that, because she was going to live: 'Obviously, Doctor' she said, 'you've never been a thirteen year old girl.'"

Why I read it: I finally got around to reading The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides after loving the movie for years.  I will never forget the first time I watched the movie (warning...this story is REAL real). I was with my friends Robyn, Meaghan, and Alycia and I had just gotten back to campus from singing at a friend's funeral.  Yes, my friend from youth group had recently committed suicide and the family had asked me to sing.  Of course I said yes, and the whole experience was incredibly surreal.  I returned to school the same day, emotionally exhausted and in a strange haze.  I didn't even process the fact that this was the DVD we were popping in for movie night (you'd think the title alone would make my ears perk up). Needless to say, the moment Cecilia is successful and the camera cuts to her bird-boned body skewered on the fence post, a wave of nausea overtook me and I begged my friends to switch movies.  Thankfully, we did (for those curious, we decided to go with the CLASSIC..."Lestat".  Always a winner. Always a solid choice.). A few weeks later I borrowed the movie, got through it, and actually loved it because I am sick and twisted and adore things like this (also so what if I have a strange obsession with Kirsten Dunst?!)...AAAANYWAY. 

What I loved: There's a very specific strain of pop culture that just...SPEAKS TO ME for whatever reason and that is coming of age stories.  I can't and never will get enough of them. I mean we can reference the obvious here: Spring Awakening is my life, liberty, and my pursuit of happiness, thank you, good night. I have read How I live Now so many times that my copy is falling apart and I can quote entire pages. Even though I'm 23, I find myself binge watching Dance Academy on Netflix.  I could write a freaking dissertation on it but I think the reason I love these stories is that everyone goes through this period in their lives. It connects us as a species. Everyone knows what it is like to be a teenager/young adult struggling to find yourself in the midst of all the bullshit.  Everyone looks back on their teens/early twenties and thinks to themselves "wow, why did I make such a big deal out of that?!" But THAT'S THE THING...It is a big deal.  That's what I loved about this book and other coming of age stories that end tragically.  They are honest. They don't apologize for the fact that, yea when you're an adult, being overprotected and under-appreciated by your parents isn't the end of the world, but when you are a teenager, it can be a matter of life or death.  And that's OK!! As long as we're willing to realize it and make sure the future generations are given the opportunity to express themselves in healthy ways. 

There are definitely other things I loved (don't mind me going off on a rant about puberty. I'm a special kind of special): the fact that it was told from the neighborhood boys' point of view, their growing obsession and fascination with the girls, and the beautiful imagery throughout. 

Why you should read it:

-If you are a human who is passed the threshold of puberty: If this applies to you, CONGRATULATIONS, you had a triumphant teenage experience.  Sure, you were probably harassed by a bully, embarrassed by your peers, and pressured by your parents...but you lived, didn't you?  And that is a TRIUMPH.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Oh, and then read this book so you know what it's like when people don't get through it alive.  

-If you, like me, love slightly twisted things that make your skin crawl: The descriptions in this novel are so honest that you have to wonder if something exactly like this didn't happen to Eugenides himself. 

-If you are a parent: It's a good case study in what not to do. 

Keep reading, pretty people! <33 

Right Place, Right Time - The HIMYM Finale

"Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story. The story of how I met your mother..."

Well, we did it.  We made it through the finale of How I met Your Mother.  If you know me at all, or even if you've just been reading this blog for a few weeks, you know that I have  DEEP LOVE for this show.  I also have a DEEP LOVE for themes, so of course I went all out.  I was equal parts excited and scared for last night's hour long episode, and now that I've watched it twice through, slept on it, woke at my usual insomniatic hour and had nothing to do but ponder it extensively...I have much to say.  So here we go...hey, why else do I have this thing, anyway?!

There were things I loved, things I accepted as inevitable, and things I (unfortunately) loathed.  I am very easy to please when it comes to things I already love.  I often say "you could put anything on stage, but if you call it Spring Awakening and there is a song in there that sounds like 'My Junk', chances are I will love it." I knew no matter what, if it was about the gang, if there were scenes at McLaren's, and if Ted actually got around to meeting the mother, I would love it no matter what.  Because it's the show! AND THE SHOW'S THE THING!

HIMYM cocktails, complete with a yellow umbrella!

To prepare for the emotional rollercoaster I knew I was in for, I did some stress baking (Sumbitch cookies), made sure the cocktails were flowing (The Pineapple Incident - pineapple rum, pineapple juice, and grenadine), and whipped up enough delicious bar food for the whole gang, Tracy included.  I made these onion rings, these spicy wings, and served it all with vegan ranch, celery, and carrots.  I. LOVE. THEME. FOOD.

I was all set to go, and honestly I was quite excited to see what the writer's  had in store for us.  They had been promising a twist, after all. For some time now I've been predicting that in the future the Mother has died, and Ted is making sure she lives on for his kids through his stories. In some masochistic way, I longed for that ending.  I would be satisfied with that ending.  I would relate to that ending.

The episode started off great.  I absolutely loved the flashback scene to the pub, with the actors struggling to settle back in to their younger days: Lily's eager, slightly annoying season one voice, Robyn's more awkward screen presence, and a palpable question of what's to come.  It was a beautiful moment, all of them truly accepting Robyn into the group.  And what was more beautiful was the moment in the present, when we saw that particular story coming full circle.  Barney did sleep with Robyn...and it was legendary!  So legendary, that he married Sparkles herself.  The whole thing reminded me why I love the show so much...only to have the post-wedding bliss ripped away from me a few moments later. BUT we're focusing on the positives here, right?  Gosh, I loved seeing Ted and the Mother together.  Every single time they were on screen I had a huge, dopey smile on my face and a track in my head saying "I hope to some day have a love like that!!"  They were perfect for eachother!  They were soulmates!  A kind of love that should transcend life and death!  They finished eachother's...SANDWICHES. I loved their nontraditional story line - having babies then getting married, yet making it work because it was right for them.  Every time we have seen them together this season I have squealed like a little girl (yes, I am one, but you get the point). Every time I wanted to scream at the screen "This is it Ted, you did it!  It was all worth it! Everything happens for a reason!  She is your reason!" That scene on the platform? Perfection, Tracy McConnell. Perfection.

And then...things started to slowly...fall...apart.

First of all, why Swarkles...WHY?!  We watched both Barney and Robyn evolve throughout season nine and prepare themselves for an unlikely but beautiful marriage.  We saw them recite vows. We cried with joy when they both went through with it.  Then, poof. Divorced.  Oh, ok. Bye Robyn?

I kind of saw the gang falling apart coming.  It's just a fact of life and one that I feel I have prematurely dealt with from living in 4 different states in one year.  It's hard to keep up with people, even your best friends.  That didn't bother me as much as...some things.

La Vie en Rose...

Alright, I have to talk about it.  Buckle your seatbelts.  THE ENDING. The last 10 minutes of the show that felt like all of Marshall's slaps combined. As I said before I was ready for a sad ending for Tracy - the mother who through the years I have also fallen in love with.  Even though we hadn't met her until the end of season 8, I was already rooting for their relationship 110%.  Then throw in someone as charming and endearing as Cristin Milioti, who plays the ukulele for Christ's sake...I am going to be obsessed with her.  On top of that make sure she and Josh Radnor have amazing chemistry and are ADORABLE...guys I love the Mother, ok?  I love the fact that he had to go through all the wrong stuff to get to the right stuff.  I love that they met on the train platform, and that they had two beautiful children, and I (in some weird way) even love that she got sick and died.  But like...what the heck did she die of?  What was her dying wish?  Was it sudden? I'm just going to go there...I'm going to play this card because it is my God given right. I'm playing the DEAD DAD CARD (bum, bum, BUM!).  I'm calling bullshit on the ending.  First of all, the Mother was just kind of thrown away there.  Oh she got sick and died, brb gotta go get a blue french horn for the girl I spent 9 years getting over and letting go.  There was a whole grieving process he had to go through even before he met Tracy. I also personally never wanted a Ted/Robyn endgame.  We all have a Robyn.  A thing in our lives that seems so perfect but at the end of the day just doesn't fit. I appreciated this show teaching us that difficult but honest lesson. But you know who did fit? THE MOTHER. The kids said it had been six years and at first I found myself thinking "whoa that is so long, so much must have happened!" but then while sleep was eluding me last night it hit me like a ton of bricks that at the end of this month, it will have been 11 YEARS since my father passed away.  Would I tell my mom to go for it?  Absolutely not.  I'm also a stubborn stinker who thinks her Dad was the best thing to ever happen to this earth so good luck finding someone better, BUT I DIGRESS. Mainly the reason the ending got to me was the fact that we have been going through Ted's relationships and unrequited love, feeling his heartbreaks, and accepting his Robyn relapses because we knew there was a beautiful yellow umbrella at the end of the tunnel.   In my perfect world, Ted would have finished the story with the train station scene, then cut to her tombstone where we would finally learn her name.  The last image would be the five original friends, sitting in their usual booth, toasting the life Tracy had, and the life they have yet to live.  The stories they have yet to experience and one day pass on. The ultimate lesson of the show would be friendship.

Oh look, it's Robyn and Tracy.  They are besties and not dead. I love my dream world!

This makes me sound like I hate Robyn, but I don't...I actually love and relate to Robyn so much it sometimes shocks me (it helps that she is literally the same person as Robyn Novak, my best friend and soulmate forever and ever amen). I just feel a bit tricked, is all. Do I still love this show? Absolutely.  Will I still binge watch it via Netflix? Absolutely.  Will I end the last episode after Ted and Tracy meet at the train station, making this show truly about how Ted met the Mother? ABSOLUTELY.

What I Read: The Coal Tattoo

"There was complete peace.  And Anneth knew why she felt this terrible sadness; she feared that she would never know what that felt like, to know for certain that what she was doing was what she most wanted to do in her life.  To have that look of assuredness and happiness upon her face.  She was positive that such knowledge would never come to her."

I recently finished "The Coal Tattoo" by Silas House, an Appalachian tale told through the eyes of two sisters - Easter, a devout Pentecostal woman, and Anneth, who longs for something more.

Why I read it: I started reading this because I found it on a bookshelf in my house and it looked intriguing (sometimes I can't help but judge a book by it's cover).  Little did I know that it would be set in the exact geographical location and time period as the role I will soon be playing in the musical "The Burnt Part Boys"!  It is set in the Kentucky Appalachian Mountains and spans from 1960-1970, and the musical is in the West Virginia hills in 1962. I love reading books set in my home state and by Kentucky authors, even though I don't always perfectly identify with my place of birth. Barbara Kingsolver is one of my favorite authors, and from the first few pages I could tell that the lyrical descriptions were going to take me right up to the mountains. I was sold.

What I loved: This book was definitely character driven as opposed to plot driven. There was no single, specific climax followed by falling action and a nice, neat, conclusion.  However if I'm being honest, I prefer novels like this.  I think that relationships and connections between characters are often all the dramatic content we need.  I was completely intrigued by Easter and Anneth's relationship because sisterhood is a very important thing to me - not only with my biological sister, but with the women I have become close friends with who have shaped and molded my life.  I'm looking at you Robyn, Sarah, Jessica, Catie, Alex, Jan...you are also my sisters who I have incredibly strong bonds with and who have made me who I am today!  I adored seeing the similarities and differences between the two women - something I see reflected in myself and my sister who are also five years apart and annoyingly close.  One reason I love character driven literature is that often times it's more honest.  It's not about the protagonist meeting the perfect mate, everything leading up to that moment, and then the moment arrives.  Anneth's journey is much more believable and similar to how we navigate the waters of falling in and out of love with others as well as in and out of love with ourselves.

Why you should read it:
-If you are from the great state of KY: The writing alone is enough to bring tears to your eyes.  The characters in this story have a deep connection to the earth, and if you are from Kentucky, or just love it for whatever reason, this book is a great way to spend a day in the Appalachian hills.
-If the sacred bond of sisterhood is important to you: The two sisters in this novel differ in a lot of ways.  Easter finds comfort in God, while Anneth feels restless and lonely.  But at their core they are both driven by love, compassion, and their loyalty to each other.
-If you enjoy the works of Barbara Kingsolver or Sena Jeter Naslund: There must be something in the water here that makes authors awesome.  I couldn't help but be reminded of these two ladies (who are also authors I adore) while reading this book.  Definitely check this out if you like any of their work!

"All my life I've been looking for magic in all the wrong places. Some kind of proof that magic truly does exist in this world.  I didn't even realize that magic was in everything, that it happened every day.  But now I know."

-Anneth

What I Read: The Dead Fathers Club

"I said a word under my breath and it wasn't Dad and it wasn't Dead. It was something in the middle. For one minute I thought it was impossible that Dad was dead. He was still so real in my head I could smell him and  hear his voice but once everyone was as real as Dad even Emperor Nero or Julius Caesar or Alexander the Great." 

It's Wednesday...BOOK DAY!  I hope my reviews are interesting and inspire you to read something you wouldn't have thought to before, or push you to read something you've been meaning to. Let's jump right in to this weeks review, which is for "The Dead Fathers Club" by Matt Haig.  This book is a modern twist on "Hamlet" told from an 11 year old's perspective.  It chronicles the journey Philip must take to overcome the grief he feels from his father's death, and shows us how sadness can affect our psyche. 

Why I read it: This book was a gift from my best friend, Sarah.  When I opened the package, I bust out laughing, D-town style.  Allow me to be candid.  Sarah and I have something in common that bonded us immediately and for life.  We both have dead fathers.  It was the moment we realized this that the friendship was signed, sealed, delivered, no going back, we are besties thank you and good night. After making really heinous Dead Dads Club jokes for a year, you can imagine how hilarious it was to open a box and see a book actually titled "The Dead Fathers Club."  It was too perfect.  That being said, in the book, the club is comprised of the dads, not the grieving children.  I was immediately intrigued when I read the synopsis because I love ghost stories, and I love adaptations of "Hamlet."  From "The Lion King" to "Hamlet 2", I can't get enough of them, and this one sounded very unique. 

Hamlet 2. Watch it. 

What I loved: The human brain can do absolutely crazy things, especially when dealing with grief.  As someone who knows this first hand, I was able to relate to 11 year old Philip very intensely.  I was 12 when my Father passed away, but luckily his ghost didn't visit me asking to be avenged.  But my brain did play tricks on me.  I loved how to Philip, what was happening in regards to his father's ghost became his ultimate reality.  Everything else fell away, because he was given a real, tangible task after suffering something that was so out of his control.  The psychological journey was what I liked most about the story overall.  Seeing how a great trauma can affect someone is truly fascinating.  I also enjoyed the free form, stream of consciousness style of writing.  Some people really don't like that, but for me it allowed me to feel as if I was actually peering into a psychologically fragile 11 year old's brain.

What I didn't love: The entire time I was reading it, I couldn't stop thinking about "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" and "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime",  two books that excel in this style of narration.  Also two books that I highly recommend.  But where the narrators in those books are a child savant and an autistic genius respectively, Philip just seems a bit slow.  The character reads quite a bit younger than 11 to me, and yes grief and depression can addle the brain, but it got a bit grating after a while. He's a smart kid, and I think I would have connected more with the character if that came across more in the narration.  I mostly just felt sorry for him, instead of rooting for him.

Why you should read it:
-If you're a member of the DDC: You kind of have to.  It's required reading.
-If you enjoy Shakespeare's work and it's adaptations: The story definitely parallels "Hamlet" while still allowing Philip to go on a unique journey.
-If you're interested in child psychology: This is what I found the most intriguing in this story, and I would love to read the same story told from a different perspective (the mother, the teacher, the friend, etc.) in order to see what was real and what was created due to the traumatic events.

DDC, we're number one.  Until next time, book lovers!

What I Read: "Wild"

"The Universe, I'd learned, was never, ever kidding. It would take whatever it wanted and it would never give it back"

-Cheryl Strayed 

You know I really like a book when I actively restrain myself from finishing it.  I was so engrossed in Strayed's journey that I found myself wishing it would be longer, yet excited to see her through to the end.  If you can, I suggest you go to the library and check out a copy.  As someone who is in a seemingly lost generation, "Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail" by Cheryl Strayed is one of the most inspiring things I have ever read. 

Why I read it: I jetted to the library to pick up the one copy they had checked in at the time because my sister told me to.  If there's one thing I can count on Beth for, it's good book recommendations.  I like to think I got that gene too (thanks Mom!), but with the promise of an adventure story plus a virtual book club, I definitely took her up on the advice.  I knew I would be into it.  As I said yesterday, I love hiking. If I could, I would hike every day.  I also love the idea of a woman, not much older than me, setting out on a huge adventure all by herself.  The idea of escaping into that journey through the author's words thrilled me, so I immediately dove in headfirst.  

What I loved:  The honesty of this book is really what makes it worth the read.  Strayed isn't a person who views her past through 20/20 spectacles.  She remembers the embarrassment of the first moments, when she couldn't even stand while carrying her backpack (a very real fear I have for when I hike the AT.  It's going to be comedic gold though.  I'm going to make Beth film it because that shit will go viral).  She remembers the pain and brutality of every step she took on the trail.  I loved witnessing, through her writing, her moments of fear, loss, and frustration.  I could feel the overwhelming weight of "Monster" (her lovingly nicknamed pack) on my back, making my steps seemingly impossible.  I could feel the insatiable hunger in my belly, ever present and never satisfied.  These trying times made the moments of clarity and self discovery even more heart wrenching and awe inspiring.  Cheryl truly was able to find herself on the trail.  Peel away layers and find what it was to be fully human and fully alive.  She is an inspiration to me as I continue in my own journey of self discovery...a journey I have found many of my peers to be traversing as well.  

Why you should read it: 

-If you enjoy the outdoors, whether hiking, camping, or just sitting out in nature is your jam...the relationship Strayed forged with nature is one of total trust, respect, and understanding.  There were times she felt more at home on the trail than off of it, and isn't that what it should be like anyway?

-If you're looking for self-discovery...true, this is a special case.  Extreme measures were taken by the author in order to "find herself", but I think you will be pleasantly surprised how much you relate to her.  

-If you're looking to disconnect...I know that if I spend too much time around technology, my brain can get a little buzzy.  This book reminded me how important it is to disconnect from that and thus connect with humans and the beautiful world around us. 

-If you're excited for hiking season...there was a little teaser of warmth a few days ago, followed by snow yesterday (brb, crying) but now it's starting to warm back up again.  The sun is out and it's only a matter of time before I hit the trails.  This book was perfect inspiration...it couldn't come soon enough! 

I'll leave you with my absolute favorite moment of the book.  It echos my own personal mantra that I created so closely that I found myself having to catch my breath and wipe away tears:

"There were so many other amazing things in the world. They opened up inside of me like a river.  Like I didn't know I could take a breath and then I breathed.  I laughed with the joy of it, and the next moment I was crying...I was crying because I was full." 

What I Read: "The Chaperone"

"I am supposed to be where I go."

― Laura Moriarty, The Chaperone

The latest book I finished is "The Chaperone" by Laura Moriarty.  It's the story of Cora - the woman chosen to chaperone the incomparable Louise Brooks while she was only 15 years old and trying to break out of her small town life. If you're already following me on Goodreads, you'll know I gave it an absolutely glowing review.  New York City! Broadway! The Golden Age of Hollywood! Strong Female Protagonists!  Even just looking at the cover in the bookstore I knew I would like this book.  Yet even so, there were connections and incredibly touching moments that took me by surprise and made me see things about the world and about myself clearer.  I hope that after reading this review, you think about picking up a copy from the library...and please let me know if you do.  I love nothing more than a reading buddy! 

Why I read it: I've always been a huge fan of historical fiction, especially stories set around the 1920's - 1940's (which were all covered within this book!).  I think this stems back to my obsession with Shirley Temple that I have had since before I can even remember. I have always felt drawn to that era...the Great Depression leading in to the Golden Age of Hollywood. I often make jokes that I lived a past life during that time.  So when I saw this book about Louise Brooks, an incredibly famous silent film actress who popularized the bob haircut, I had a feeling this would be a good one.  The majority of the novel is set in New York City (the best city on earth) while Louise is training with the Denishawn Dance Company, and hoping to make it big. 

What I loved: What Moriarty did so well with this book was she told it from Cora's point of view, not Louise's.  Louise, a starlet from the moment she was born, was not the star of this particular story.  It was unassuming Cora who made incredible discoveries about herself and found truth in the Big Apple.  That's not to say that Louise's portion of the story wasn't compelling. The stories of both Cora and Louise were both so beautifully moving and made me proud to be a woman in the entertainment business. In different ways, both women inspired me to use my craft to make a difference. Truly the main thing I loved about the book was the setting - New York City in the 1920's.  Moriarty captured it so effortlessly and I felt like I was right there with Cora wandering the streets of Manhattan.  Another surprising facet was the controversial topics of the times that were dealt with.   Generally with historical fiction like this it is racism that is focused on, but this story delved into contraception and homosexuality in a very brave and realistic manner. 

Why you should read it:

- If you are in the entertainment industry...it makes you proud to be a part of that strange niche in society while putting a lot of things into a bigger perspective. Never lose sight of who you are. 

- If you are a woman...it delves into interesting topics regarding women's place in society during this turbulent time.  It's interesting to see the juxtaposition between 2 different women who are only 15 years apart in age, yet clash on almost every world view.  Times were a changing, and people were struggling to keep up!

- If you love New York...Moriarty did such a fabulous job transporting me to the city that never sleeps in a fascinating and formative time. 

- If you love Old Hollywood...you will surely know who Louise Brooks is and want to know more about her captivating screen presence.  

"She had, it seemed, two options: continued hunger, or, if she ate a full meal, the corset's further reprimand. The gnaw from the inside or the squeeze from the outside.  Which was worse? She knew she was tired of hunger.  That was what she knew."