Two Show Day.

Happy weekend everybody!!  I know what you're thinking..."But KT!! It's Monday!  Stop being cruel!"  True, it is Monday, but in the actor's world Monday is usually the start of our weekend.  On the flip side, our work week here at FreeFall is Thursday - Sunday.  While the rest of the world is wrapping things up at the office, putting the least amount of effort possible on Friday afternoon, checking their phones under their desks, and then going home to enjoy dinner with their families, we are gearing up to perform.  I've been asked if this reverse schedule is ever annoying ("I can't go out, I'll be in a show...") but honestly, I wouldn't change it.  I get to do exactly what I love most in the world for a living.  Plus, we get to relax, drink wine, and jam on Sunday evenings while the sun goes down.  Most of the world is setting alarms and dreading the next morning...

My very favorite day of the week is Saturday.  Why you ask?  It's a two show day!!  I get to play on stage with my favorite people not once but twice.  I've been asked a few times how we do it twice in one day...so come with me as I walk through a (favorite) day in the life!!  

My Saturdays generally start pretty late.  I try to sleep as late as I can so that I'm well rested for the day ahead.  Once I get up, I'll eat a late brunch like meal (I call it brunch as if I'm fancy or something...but really I just stuff my face with something slathered in peanut butter) and then head out to meet the boys at the office...aka Starbucks. 

Chris, Nick, and I will spend some quality time sipping iced coffee and doing whatever we need to do.  I generally catch up on blogging, journalling, working on my musical, reading, or checking out auditions in the area.  Before we know it it's time to head to the theatre for our first show of the day. 

One of my favorite things in life is getting to the theatre every day and having Daniel, our stage manager say "Welcome to work!"  It's such a simple thing but always puts me in such a great and happy mood! What's more, I love a matinee because I get to do my time honored tradition of the MATINEE MOLE!!  I learned this tradition from the Mark Hardy, and I will never do a matinee without one.

I also take a moment before each show to thank my body for everything it does for me.  This usually ends up being a moment of I LOVE MY HAIR LOOK AT THE BEAST GROWING STRONGER EVERY DAY. But seriously look at it.  God, I love recovery.

Then we do the show!!

This past Saturday was especially great because I was able to spend time in between shows with my MAMACITA aka my best friend aka the incomparable PAM! We went to Leafy Greens Cafe here in beautiful St. Pete...the perfect in between show fuel! 

Absolutely delicious!  We were raving about it for hours after we actually ate.  After fueling up, it's time to head back to FreeFall for show #2.  I take off my matinee mole and spend time reading in my dressing room, listening to Cameron and Joseph talk about me through the vent. #princessfrances. 

Time to climb that mountain again!!  

After two performances of this particular show, my body is definitely tired, but in the best way possible.  I once again thank it for everything it allows me to do and refuel it so that it continues to be healthy and strong.  As I've said before, this time one, two, or even three years ago, this show would have probably put me in the hospital.  The amount of singing it requires of me would have caused me to lose my voice, "Little Women" style.  Many notes in this score I was not even able to produce at the height of my disorder.  Being able to belt up to the rafters during the finale makes me happier than anything ever has. 

We spend 5 shows a week (we all wish it was more!!) telling this beautiful story.  We make connections with each other and the audience, giving it our all, and bearing our souls.  Saturdays are long but overwhelmingly gratifying, and after 5 emotional performances, we are able to kick back and watch the Florida sun set over the water. 

The life of a professional actress might seem strange to some, but it's my life, and I can say with all the honesty in my heart that I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Flow it, Show it, Grow it

A few days ago I went out on a limb and posted some pictures and a status on Facebook.  I'm not exactly a private person when it has come to my recovery process, I'm willing to share things if people ask, but I also haven't just gone out of my way to tell people what I've been doing for the past 6 months.  I was having a really rough morning so I got in the shower and scrubbed myself intensely (it's a weird thing that helps) and washed my hair (a rare occasion) and belted my face off.  I got out feeling much better about life.

I let my hair air dry, which was also rare.  Usually I get impatient and put it up in a top knot.  And by usually I mean every day of my life.  Now I'm not fishing for compliments here but I don't really love the way I look.  Especially right now through this whole process.  Because I am actively changing, every day is a battle with my brain, and it's exhausting.  I hate it.  I will never say it's easy, because it is not.

Even though I have always struggled with self confidence with my outward appearance, I adored one very specific part of me.  My hair. I mean...look at it in the height of it's MAJESTY.

I loved it.  It was my defining feature. I got compliments on it whenever I wore it down, which made me never want to put it up (strange now that I wear it up nearly every day....oh how we change). Fast forward to junior year of college and it's just as long but now it's starting to fall out.  In my style of denial (I MADE A RHYME), I started cutting it short.  Everyone loved it so I thought everything was fine.  But the texture of it changed from thick, luscious, and curly to dry, brittle, and thin.  I had chunks missing.  It's so gross to think about it now and even grosser to think how blind I was to it.  Blegh. 

6 months into recovery and I can actually see my hair restoring itself and getting back to what it used to be.  It makes me happier than it probably should. I posted these photos because it is something tangible that I can be proud of.  Never in a million years did I expect the support and love that I got from them!  It was amazing.  ED's are all about trying to do everything on your own, and that is something that makes the recovery process ten times harder.  But putting myself out there and being open and honest garnered more love and inspiration than I ever thought imaginable.  

I have never been more passionate about something than I am about this.  I am so committed to my own journey because I never...NEVER want anyone to have to go through what I have and still am working my way through. Last summer in Spring Awakening, Eric told us to imagine what we would change in the world in order to create our own personal Purple Summer.  This is mine.  I never want anyone to feel like they are less than enough.  I never want anyone to destroy themselves from the inside out.  That's why I'm writing my musical!  So that in the darkest of moments, anyone who needs to can know that there is someone who cares and who believes in them through their own battle.  It truly is a battle.  One that beats me up until I feel like I can't go on anymore and then something magical like this happens.  

Oh and the next day, just to prove my healthy looking hair WAS NOT a fluke, I took another picture. THOSE CURLS, THOUGH! Call me vain, but it makes all of this bullshit worth it.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you.  You have given me so much strength, it's overwhelming.  I love you all. 

It's not just black or white

It's not just you or nothing

there's colors all around

there's colors all around me.