Meet the Family

My name is Katie Berger and I have three beautiful children I would like you to meet.

Obviously, if you're reading this, you know Angela (she's the title of this blog, after all).  My Mom got me this beautiful concert soprano ukulele one fateful Christmas day and the rest is history.  I've told the story of why Angela is so important to me numerous times but I think it's pretty cool and it's been a while so there might be people reading who don't know!  When I was in treatment, my therapist tasked me with finding a "tangible object" that could, in some ways, replace the security blanket my disorder had become.  Easier said than done, of course, but I love homework so I went home that night ready to find something that would help me through the darkest moments.  Frustrated that nothing really made me feel safe or confident, I picked up my uke and practiced until I felt better.  It then hit me that my uke would obviously have to be my object.  Since that moment, I threw myself into music and it very much saved my life.  I always say that without recovery, my love for songwriting would not be anywhere close to what it is now.  I wrote Full on this instrument, and I pretty much still exclusively write all my music on it as well.

Oh and if you're curious, she's named after the unseen character in the musical Hair.  "Tell him Angela and I don't want our two dollars back, just him," 

Last Christmas I made it very clear that I wanted one thing and one thing only - a Tenor.  Mom delivered, as she usually does when it comes to Christmas presents (see above).  I was gifted with a new acoustic/electric baby, who I named Bobby Maler - after the unseen character mentioned in the musical Spring Awakening.  I love a theme.  

My newest child is a brand new Fender amp I got for my birthday this year!  I named her Penny because as soon as I ripped the box open and plugged in I started playing "Penny and Me" without even thinking.  Because...well...Penny and me like to roll the windows down, turn the radio on and push the pedal to the ground.  You know?  I can't wait to bring her along to gigs all over town in the near future (It's always Penny and me toniiiiiiiight).  

What have I learned in writing this post?  That Pam Berger is too good for this world.  

Peace, Love, and Ukes,

KT 

Summertime Sadness

It's definitely summer out there. I have taken to just wearing my bathing suit around the house.  I watched dolphins swimming in the ocean last night for a good hour (as someone who was born land locked, that will NEVER get old.  DOLPHINS. RIGHT THERE). I absolutely have to take a shower every day because well...it's really hot.  

Unfortunately, depression doesn't care if you live in the sunshine state.  Depression doesn't care if you can walk down the street and instantly be on the beach.  Depression doesn't care if you have a loving family and amazing friends.  Sometimes it just finds your insecurities ("the show is over...now what...I need to find an apartment...I ate too much at dinner...I miss my friends...what am I even doing right now...I'm tired but I should be productive....WHY AM I CRYING?!") and attack.  

The important thing to remember in those moments when you feel like you don't "deserve" to be depressed is that there is nothing wrong with being depressed.  It is a real chemical imbalance in your brain and sometimes you just can't help it.  The past few days have been a little rough for me personally, but luckily I have some pretty awesome people and tactics  to get me through the bad days.  Early on in recovery I even made a checklist called "Sadness Burritos --> Happiness Muffins" because sometimes just the act of checking off all of the things on the checklist pulls me out of my funk. 

The two biggest things that help me whenever I feel the depression cloud are MUSIC and PEOPLE. I've talked about it on the blog before, but when I was at my lowest of lows, Angela my ukulele really pulled me up and out of the hole I had dug myself into. She became my "tangible object" and to this day whenever I am having bad thoughts, or want to use bad behaviors, or just generally anxious, I can strum a few chords and the world simply gets better.  She replaced restriction as my number one coping mechanism, so I'm not exaggerating when I say she saved my life. 

The other thing is people.  Friends...new friends, old friends, strangers on the beach, the group of old men at Starbucks who sit at the table next to me every day, a phone call from my best friend, a Facebook chat with my sister...it doesn't matter.  I just can NOT isolate myself.  Depression thrives in isolation, which is annoying because of course when we are sad that is exactly what we want to do...shut ourselves off. After lots of self examination in therapy, I have learned that connections with people are what I truly crave.  I am not the introvert I thought I was for 4 years. 

Even if you don't struggle with depression, I think it is important for everyone to find their one or two things that help whenever they are feeling down.  All feelings are valid and real and should be dealt with.  There is nothing wrong with being sad.  NOTHING.  There is no use covering up bad feelings and pretending to be the happiest person in the world...trust me.  I've been there, I've done that, and it doesn't work. Allow yourself to feel the bad feelings, to go through some summertime sadness, but make sure to have ways to pull yourself out of it so the world can see your smiling face once again.  

Two Show Day.

Happy weekend everybody!!  I know what you're thinking..."But KT!! It's Monday!  Stop being cruel!"  True, it is Monday, but in the actor's world Monday is usually the start of our weekend.  On the flip side, our work week here at FreeFall is Thursday - Sunday.  While the rest of the world is wrapping things up at the office, putting the least amount of effort possible on Friday afternoon, checking their phones under their desks, and then going home to enjoy dinner with their families, we are gearing up to perform.  I've been asked if this reverse schedule is ever annoying ("I can't go out, I'll be in a show...") but honestly, I wouldn't change it.  I get to do exactly what I love most in the world for a living.  Plus, we get to relax, drink wine, and jam on Sunday evenings while the sun goes down.  Most of the world is setting alarms and dreading the next morning...

My very favorite day of the week is Saturday.  Why you ask?  It's a two show day!!  I get to play on stage with my favorite people not once but twice.  I've been asked a few times how we do it twice in one day...so come with me as I walk through a (favorite) day in the life!!  

My Saturdays generally start pretty late.  I try to sleep as late as I can so that I'm well rested for the day ahead.  Once I get up, I'll eat a late brunch like meal (I call it brunch as if I'm fancy or something...but really I just stuff my face with something slathered in peanut butter) and then head out to meet the boys at the office...aka Starbucks. 

Chris, Nick, and I will spend some quality time sipping iced coffee and doing whatever we need to do.  I generally catch up on blogging, journalling, working on my musical, reading, or checking out auditions in the area.  Before we know it it's time to head to the theatre for our first show of the day. 

One of my favorite things in life is getting to the theatre every day and having Daniel, our stage manager say "Welcome to work!"  It's such a simple thing but always puts me in such a great and happy mood! What's more, I love a matinee because I get to do my time honored tradition of the MATINEE MOLE!!  I learned this tradition from the Mark Hardy, and I will never do a matinee without one.

I also take a moment before each show to thank my body for everything it does for me.  This usually ends up being a moment of I LOVE MY HAIR LOOK AT THE BEAST GROWING STRONGER EVERY DAY. But seriously look at it.  God, I love recovery.

Then we do the show!!

This past Saturday was especially great because I was able to spend time in between shows with my MAMACITA aka my best friend aka the incomparable PAM! We went to Leafy Greens Cafe here in beautiful St. Pete...the perfect in between show fuel! 

Absolutely delicious!  We were raving about it for hours after we actually ate.  After fueling up, it's time to head back to FreeFall for show #2.  I take off my matinee mole and spend time reading in my dressing room, listening to Cameron and Joseph talk about me through the vent. #princessfrances. 

Time to climb that mountain again!!  

After two performances of this particular show, my body is definitely tired, but in the best way possible.  I once again thank it for everything it allows me to do and refuel it so that it continues to be healthy and strong.  As I've said before, this time one, two, or even three years ago, this show would have probably put me in the hospital.  The amount of singing it requires of me would have caused me to lose my voice, "Little Women" style.  Many notes in this score I was not even able to produce at the height of my disorder.  Being able to belt up to the rafters during the finale makes me happier than anything ever has. 

We spend 5 shows a week (we all wish it was more!!) telling this beautiful story.  We make connections with each other and the audience, giving it our all, and bearing our souls.  Saturdays are long but overwhelmingly gratifying, and after 5 emotional performances, we are able to kick back and watch the Florida sun set over the water. 

The life of a professional actress might seem strange to some, but it's my life, and I can say with all the honesty in my heart that I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Savannah Highlights

Before making my way to St. Pete to start working on "The Burnt Part Boys", my Mom and I went to Savannah to visit my brother!  I was incredibly excited to go because I've never been and I love being able to spend time with Andy.  The city totally exceeded my expectations!  I absolutely loved it...here are some highlights of how we spent our time there:

-Walking and exploring: I was immediately overwhelmed with how beautiful and historic the city was.  I could feel the spirits and stories everywhere, and of course the spanish moss hanging from every tree made it even more picturesque.  

-Dinner at Kayak Cafe .

-Ukulele jam sessions. 

-Daily breakfast at The Sentient Bean: This was definitely one of my favorite places we discovered.  Every morning we would walk through Forsyth Park and fuel up on organic, fair trade coffee and fresh, vegan baked goods.   Their iced coffee was delicious, and every day I tried a different pastry.  But all of that pales in comparison to the real treat - people watching.  What with SCAD students buzzing around, the natural foods market right next door, and vagabonds trying to give away litters of kittens across the street, you could spend hours there just observing. 

- Shops and Squares: We spent the majority of the afternoons walking around Savannah, exploring the different shops and the myriad of squares the city has to offer. We also walked around the cemetery which of course was a highlight for me. Mom scored some fancy salt at The Salt Table, and I was able to while away some time in a heavenly book shop called The Book Lady.
                                                  

-Savannah Sandgnats Baseball Game: This might have been my favorite thing we did!  Wednesday evening we went to a minor league baseball game (after waiting out the rain for a bit).  It was a blast and the Sandgnats won 6-1!!

- The Jepson Center Art Museum.

- The Owens-Thomas House.

- The Cathedral.

- Dinner at The Green Truck Pub.

- A trip to the beach.

- A stop at a fruit stand for boiled peanuts.

- Flannery O'Connor's childhood home.

- Happy Hour at Mellow Mushroom: They wouldn't take my hard earned Mellow Bucks. 

-People watching and sunshine soaking in Forsyth Park.

Savannah was so much fun...a huge thanks to Andy and Dawn for being our hosts for the week.  If you can't tell, I love travelling with my Mom.  We always have so much fun together and some how we never want to strangle each other.  So that's cool. 

St. Pete, here I come!! 

We Run Things, Things Don't Run We.

Happy Mother's day to all the mothers out there!  Especially to my beautiful Mamacita, Pam!  If you know me at all, you know that she is my best friend and partner in crime, and I am honored to be a carbon copy of that ladle.  She's just the best!

Because your mother's love might seem insane

It's cause she really knows everything

Love like that can't be measured anyway. 

In other news...I have a new video to share!  This has absolutely nothing to do with Mother's day, but Pam does make an appearance at the beginning for the video, pretending to care what key I sing the song in. Gotta love her.  So here's my latest cover!!

  

Enjoy!! 

A Crane on Wing...

Bereft the weight of our summer clothes...

A song for your beautiful, sunny Thursday afternoon. Enjoy!!

March Madness

I promised myself on the last day of February, before I whispered "Lapin, lapin" at midnight, that March was going to be an awesome month.  I never have and never will be a huge fan of February.  It always kinda sucks.  So really, no matter what, I knew March was going to be better. True, it had it's lows.  My brain decided it would be fun to not let me sleep through the night once (4:30 am has become my witching hour. Every...single...night...awesome).  I had to go pick up my Mom from Northern Kentucky in the wee hours after she got in a horrible car wreck (she's fine, but the car is not). I'm still slogging my way through recovery and attempting to find total self acceptance.  But honestly, this month has been pretty great.  I feel like so much good happened that the bad is just a tiny blip on my radar. Now that the month is coming to a close, I can only imagine how epic April will be...

This month I was a Kentucky Rose with six other amazing young women.  I have loved getting to know them...they are all awesome people who I have no doubt will go far in life!

This month I got to celebrate!!

Not only was it the month of St. Patrick's day fun, but I also celebrated my Mom's birthday, the first day of Spring, and booking an awesome role!

This month I crafted...

...did lots of reading...

...explored...

...sang...

...and was reminded every moment how much music heals my soul and makes me happier than I can imagine.  

This month I had the night of my life at the KY Rose of Tralee Ball...

...and screamed with delight when I learned of the next role I will be playing!!

Here's to an awesome April. Angela and I are planning on having a pretty great one.  Don't forget to LAPIN LAPIN!  

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