You've only begun...

Well, here we are.  "The Burnt Part Boys" is now a memory.

This is going to be a tough one to leave behind.  I knew that going in, but little did I know how much this show would truly mean to me by the end of it.  I could play this role surrounded by these people forever and be perfectly content!  I know that's a big statement...but I don't think you realize how much I love this show!

The performance yesterday was incredible, if I do say so myself.  We had an absolutely fantastic audience who were along for every twist and turn of the story, and by the end of it were shedding tears just like we were.  Oh and I broke my final compass!  Big day, big day.

It probably comes as no big surprise to anyone that I get very attached to experiences and people.  I am very, VERY bad at goodbyes, and I let them affect me more than I should.  It's one of the big reasons that I started isolating myself and keeping myself from truly connecting with people. I feel like I'm always leaving, and it messes me up too much emotionally to invest in that.  Throughout recovery, I have found that I need those deep connections to function, so now that I'm breaking out of that bad habit, I'm finding myself overwhelmed with the thought of saying goodbye to this show and these guys.  Luckily, this is only the first step in my Florida journey...at least I won't have to say goodbye to the place!  Many members of my Burnt Part family are here too, so that makes it easier.  I'm still pretty torn up about the whole thing, though.

It's amazing the difference a year makes.  Last year (although I would have never admitted it) when the clock was ticking down on "Spring Awakening," I was so excited for it to be over.  Emily ruled my life. She was making every waking moment a living hell and constantly telling me what a piece of shit I was.  This year I gave myself over to the experience.  There were glimpses of Emily, but with the help and support of everyone around me, I was able to silence her and keep her from ever intruding on this journey.

The scrappy little whistle blower pictured above made me feel stronger than I ever have before.  She made me understand how important it is to be fueled, to have a clear mind, and to fully connect with what is happening around me. She made me understand how much BETTER life is when all of your senses aren't wrapped in cotton wool, and when you don't have a track of negative self talk constantly running in your brain. I will carry Frances Boggs with me for the rest of my life.

I wouldn't change a thing about this experience.  This family shared something truly special.  Thank you all for letting me be one of the boys. <33

Princess Frances OUT.

Exactly.

There have been a few moments in my life where I have looked at myself, looked at the people around me, and looked at what I'm doing and have been exactly where I wanted to be.  Happy in every sense of the word, with no impulse or desire to change anything.

Opening night of "The Burnt Part Boys" was one of those moments.

I've done a lot of thinking and writing about happiness. I've also spent a lot of time pretending to be the happiest girl in the world when I was the most miserable I've ever been.  Since then I have learned that all  feelings are valid and should be expressed and felt, and lying about it will get you NOWHERE.  Real anger is good.  Real sadness is good. Real happiness is REALLY GOOD. In all of this reflection I have found that in order to be happy I need to be 100% me, connecting with the people around me with no isolation, and not allowing anything to compromise my ability to live in the moment.  Saturday night, the checklist was completely checked off.  I was doing what I love to do most in the world, at a theatre I am honored to call home, with the most amazing cast I've ever been a part of, connecting fully and intensely with the audience. I never once caught myself spiraling into negative or destructive thoughts.  I was truly focused and truly present. I was simultaneously 100% KT and 100% Frances and I was so overwhelmed with happiness I could barely even contain myself. 

And one thing is absolutely certain ... there was no sign, hint, or glimmer of Emily (ding, dong, the bitch is gone).  Honestly, I haven't heard from her in a while...and if that isn't a reason to celebrate with whiskey lemonade, bluegrass music, and photo-ops...I don't know what is.  

And then the game of "let's pose with KT but be shorter than her" started.  It was hilarious, I promise (thank you apple pie moonshine). 

This show means so much to me on so many levels.  I'm a huge believer that the universe knows what it's doing and it knew that in the past year some shit had to go down in order for me to be ready to do this.  I could seriously write a dissertation on Frances (*hides my extensive character journal...embarrassing*), and the thing that's so awesome about her is that she makes me feel STRONG.  I care about this show and our work so much that nothing else matters.  I am flabbergasted every day by how much brain space is freed up when the negative and guilty thoughts aren't there.  Jeez. I can fully commit myself to my craft and to the people around me who I love SO much.  THIS CAST AND CREW, MAN!! Ugh.  They blow me away every day. 

If you are able to, please come see "The Burnt Part Boys" at freeFall Theatre!! Tickets are going fast! You will not be disappointed.  The work these guys have done and continue to do will knock your socks off. 

(Production photos courtesy of Mike Wood!! He is a cool dude.) 

Florida's Finest

Some highlights from the past few days in the sunshine state!!

Music rehearsals, new friends, ukulele jam sessions, beach time, sunshine, barbecues, cards against humanity, and all of the fun.

So, so, so happy.

<33