I know that there is so much more...

Outside there are choices

Colors, warmth, and giving.

If I could just get out there I'd be very good at living. 

I started writing "FULL" last October after a particularly trying day of treatment.  I was walking home and images, sounds, and lyrics filled my brain.  I fell asleep writing that night.  I don't care what higher power you ascribe to, but I know at that moment I was experiencing something divine that I never had before.  It was like ideas were pouring out of me and I couldn't move my pen or strum my ukulele fast enough.  Monday night, with the help of some of my best friends in the entire world, I was able to share my creation for the first time. 

I have been having trouble truly putting the experience I had on Monday into words, but I will say it was one of the best nights of my life so far.  The love I felt inside that room was unlike anything I have ever felt.  And that is because of all of you.  For helping me write this story, for your interest and kind words, for your support, and for your excitement...thank you will never be enough.  And the most exciting part?  This is just the beginning!!  Monday night was the first reading.  In the words of Harper: "This is not the final page, I know that there is so much more."  Yes, "FULL" is my story...but it is also everyone's story.  Everyone has a demon that they have to fight.  Everyone is the hero of their own story. 

Kelly -- Thank you for pushing me to do this.  Your support and love has been everything to me and it's because of you that I really dove into this with both feet.  I could not have done it without you...and not in a creepy Emily way, in a you are the best and a total badass way. 

Taylor, Susan, Jim, and Miriam -- The love I have in my heart for you is indescribable. I could not have asked for a better group of people to present this story!  Thank you for holding me up. So...next step Broadway?  Great. 

Matt, Eric, and Jim -- Thank you SO MUCH for letting me do this.  I am so honored to be a part of the freeFall family.  

There is no rest for the obsessive...bring on the rewrites!!! 

<333

Books = Friends

I often joke that I love books more than I love people.  You know that's not true (especially if you are the receiver of my fangirl ways...oh wait...that's literally everyone on the planet) but I really, REALLY love books.  They are such a huge part of my life, and I am so thankful for my parents for raising me to always be reading.  I carry at least one book with me wherever I go because I am also chronically early for things.

People often ask me "how do you find time to read?" Um...I make time.  Because it is something I find enjoyable and it brings me more happiness than almost anything in the world!  If I didn't read, I would be miserable! The other night, we had some cast bonding time and were asking each other hypothetical questions about being stuck on a deserted island.  The question of "what book/series would you want with you?" arose.  At first I panicked, because that is like choosing a child to me.  I...I...Can't I bring them all?!  It got me thinking about my favorite books of all time and what I would recommend to people who don't inherently find themselves stuck in a book.  I am often asked for reading recommendations and I love lists soooo...this happened:

KT's Top Ten Books/Series - Fall time is a perfect time to READ!!  Get a book, make some tea, and escape to somewhere amazing.

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

This classic is my top, number one, favorite book of all time.  If you haven't read it, just do yourself a favor and join the millions of fans in the world.  If you have read it, take a second trip to Maycomb, Alabama!  You will not be disappointed either way.  I have read this book countless times, and was fortunate enough to bring the story to life in college.  Playing Mayella is one of my very favorite memories from NKU, and there is a reason this story is a classic.  You can find something new and discover another facet of the story every time you read it.

2. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

I love Neil Gaiman. I have read all of his books and yet I always have to find where they are in every bookstore I ever enter.  Why?!  Why do I do this?!  I honestly don't know.  Good Omens is my favorite thing he has ever written.  It is hilarious, and creepy, and beautiful, and breathtaking, and terrifying.  Get ready for apocalyptic, angel of death REALNESS.

3. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien

This is what I chose to bring with me if I were to be stranded on that hypothetical deserted island.  Yes I chose the whole trilogy (the rule was book OR SERIES, OKAY?!). I just...I just love LOTR so much. I can't even really put it into words (real eloquent, KT). You have all probably seen the movies (I may or may not have chosen those for the movies I could bring with me on the deserted island too), but if you are looking for something to read and you enjoy fantasy in any way, please do yourself a favor and just begin the delightful journey through Middle Earth.

4. How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff

Sigh...This. Book. I have read this book over 50 times and I really wish I was exaggerating.  It's a quick read and at this point I can just read it in a few hours.  It's my ultimate comfort book, because I connect with Daisy more than any other literary character EVER.  It's very YA, so proceed with that in mind.   Once I emailed Meg Rosoff, and she provided me with an insight that became one of my every day affirmations - "People with eating disorders are just hungry for life, if we can only realign our hunger." 

5. Harry Potter by JK Rowling

I mean....do I really need to say anything?

6. The Giver by Lois Lowr

In my HUMBLE opinion, the best YA novel to ever exist.  A classic, as far as I'm concerned.

7.  The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

People are often surprised at how much I adore this book, but I will defend it to the death.  If you need a feel good, every thing happens for a reason, every end is the beginning, insert cliche positive affirmation here, pick up a copy of this.  If you're ready for some ugly crying, pick up a copy of this.  If you need a reminder that life is amazing and that you matter, pick up a copy of this.

8. Wild by Cheryl Strayed

I have written a review of this book here. Strayed's journey of self discovery is just incredible, and I love the honesty and brutality...which makes the payoff all the better in the end.

9. The 19th Wife by David Ebershoff

My strange obsession : Fundamentalist Mormonism. Seriously, talk to me about it please.  This quote sums it up best: "Happiness is a risk, and Mormon Polygamy is full of gamblers, leading lives of purpose and drama, all the things I want in my own life."

10. The Mammy, The Chisellers, and The Granny by Brendan O'Carroll

You can blow through this trilogy in three days at MOST.  You won't want to put down this Irish family tale and you'll fall so in love with the characters that you'll feel like part of the family.  As you read about their struggles and triumphs, you will likely shed a happy tear as you watch the children grow and pass on the familial love to the next generation.

What are you reading?  I'd love to know YOUR top ten!!  Happy reading!

What I Read: The Handmaid's Tale

"Night falls.  Or has fallen.  Why is it that night falls, instead of rising, like the dawn?"

It's book day, it's book day, it's book day!!  Wednesdays are cool. And now they are even COOLER because it's the day I do my weekly book review.  Ok, ok, so I am the only person that would get excited about that but I love books and I love talking about them. SO RAMBLE, I SHALL! This week I read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood...

Why I read it: Ever since I watched this trailer and had a LOT of feelings about it, I've been having a hankering for some good old, dystopian literature. It's one of my favorite genres and this particular book has been on my to-read list for a while.  Not to mention, the weather lately has been nothing short of apocalyptic and I'm very susceptible to that. All of these factors just made me want to read something futuristic and bleak, you know?! Just me?  Alright,  moving right along....

What I loved: I enjoyed how Offred, the protagonist who's true name we never learn, jumps right into the story without any exposition.  I felt like a detective reading my way through the book, picking up context clues and piecing together how our own world has become in this iteration of the future.  She hops between  flashbacks from her previous existence, her own thoughts, and the action taking place around her.  I've always been a fan of stream of consciousness narratives, and this one was fun to follow.  This society's structure was fascinating and terrifying at the same time.  Without coming out and stating "I'm scared", the narrative voice makes the reader feel the imminent danger and fear dwelling beneath the surface of the highly calculated world that has been created. 

What I didn't love:  While I respect the author's choice to keep everything about this story mysterious, I couldn't help but want a bit more information!  This is really a testament to the writing, but I definitely wanted to know more about the society and the chain of events which morphed our world into the one in the book. I wanted so badly to know more about the political atmosphere, since I know the politics of the time heavily influenced Atwood's writing.  I also wanted to know every single detail about Offred's life before and what happened to Luke and their daughter.  Obviously, since this book is written in first person and Offred doesn't know these facts, that would be impossible...but that doesn't mean I'm not a curious kitten! 

Why you should read it: 

-If you love dystopian and post-apocalyptic literature: What are you waiting for?  This is everything you love. 

-If you are interested in women's rights: This book puts an interesting spin on how far we have come as women.  In the new society women have virtually no rights, yet in an age of declining births they are a commodity. It definitely made me thankful for all the pioneers who came before me.

-If you love certain YA books but want to be a little more adult: We are a generation of 20-somethings that is clinging on to our beloved young adult novels with every ounce of strength we have.  But , never fear!  This book gave me everything I could ask for when all I wanted to do was re-read The Giver for the 34th time. 

"But who can remember pain, once it's over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind." 

What I Read: The Dead Fathers Club

"I said a word under my breath and it wasn't Dad and it wasn't Dead. It was something in the middle. For one minute I thought it was impossible that Dad was dead. He was still so real in my head I could smell him and  hear his voice but once everyone was as real as Dad even Emperor Nero or Julius Caesar or Alexander the Great." 

It's Wednesday...BOOK DAY!  I hope my reviews are interesting and inspire you to read something you wouldn't have thought to before, or push you to read something you've been meaning to. Let's jump right in to this weeks review, which is for "The Dead Fathers Club" by Matt Haig.  This book is a modern twist on "Hamlet" told from an 11 year old's perspective.  It chronicles the journey Philip must take to overcome the grief he feels from his father's death, and shows us how sadness can affect our psyche. 

Why I read it: This book was a gift from my best friend, Sarah.  When I opened the package, I bust out laughing, D-town style.  Allow me to be candid.  Sarah and I have something in common that bonded us immediately and for life.  We both have dead fathers.  It was the moment we realized this that the friendship was signed, sealed, delivered, no going back, we are besties thank you and good night. After making really heinous Dead Dads Club jokes for a year, you can imagine how hilarious it was to open a box and see a book actually titled "The Dead Fathers Club."  It was too perfect.  That being said, in the book, the club is comprised of the dads, not the grieving children.  I was immediately intrigued when I read the synopsis because I love ghost stories, and I love adaptations of "Hamlet."  From "The Lion King" to "Hamlet 2", I can't get enough of them, and this one sounded very unique. 

Hamlet 2. Watch it. 

What I loved: The human brain can do absolutely crazy things, especially when dealing with grief.  As someone who knows this first hand, I was able to relate to 11 year old Philip very intensely.  I was 12 when my Father passed away, but luckily his ghost didn't visit me asking to be avenged.  But my brain did play tricks on me.  I loved how to Philip, what was happening in regards to his father's ghost became his ultimate reality.  Everything else fell away, because he was given a real, tangible task after suffering something that was so out of his control.  The psychological journey was what I liked most about the story overall.  Seeing how a great trauma can affect someone is truly fascinating.  I also enjoyed the free form, stream of consciousness style of writing.  Some people really don't like that, but for me it allowed me to feel as if I was actually peering into a psychologically fragile 11 year old's brain.

What I didn't love: The entire time I was reading it, I couldn't stop thinking about "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" and "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime",  two books that excel in this style of narration.  Also two books that I highly recommend.  But where the narrators in those books are a child savant and an autistic genius respectively, Philip just seems a bit slow.  The character reads quite a bit younger than 11 to me, and yes grief and depression can addle the brain, but it got a bit grating after a while. He's a smart kid, and I think I would have connected more with the character if that came across more in the narration.  I mostly just felt sorry for him, instead of rooting for him.

Why you should read it:
-If you're a member of the DDC: You kind of have to.  It's required reading.
-If you enjoy Shakespeare's work and it's adaptations: The story definitely parallels "Hamlet" while still allowing Philip to go on a unique journey.
-If you're interested in child psychology: This is what I found the most intriguing in this story, and I would love to read the same story told from a different perspective (the mother, the teacher, the friend, etc.) in order to see what was real and what was created due to the traumatic events.

DDC, we're number one.  Until next time, book lovers!

What I Read: "Wild"

"The Universe, I'd learned, was never, ever kidding. It would take whatever it wanted and it would never give it back"

-Cheryl Strayed 

You know I really like a book when I actively restrain myself from finishing it.  I was so engrossed in Strayed's journey that I found myself wishing it would be longer, yet excited to see her through to the end.  If you can, I suggest you go to the library and check out a copy.  As someone who is in a seemingly lost generation, "Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail" by Cheryl Strayed is one of the most inspiring things I have ever read. 

Why I read it: I jetted to the library to pick up the one copy they had checked in at the time because my sister told me to.  If there's one thing I can count on Beth for, it's good book recommendations.  I like to think I got that gene too (thanks Mom!), but with the promise of an adventure story plus a virtual book club, I definitely took her up on the advice.  I knew I would be into it.  As I said yesterday, I love hiking. If I could, I would hike every day.  I also love the idea of a woman, not much older than me, setting out on a huge adventure all by herself.  The idea of escaping into that journey through the author's words thrilled me, so I immediately dove in headfirst.  

What I loved:  The honesty of this book is really what makes it worth the read.  Strayed isn't a person who views her past through 20/20 spectacles.  She remembers the embarrassment of the first moments, when she couldn't even stand while carrying her backpack (a very real fear I have for when I hike the AT.  It's going to be comedic gold though.  I'm going to make Beth film it because that shit will go viral).  She remembers the pain and brutality of every step she took on the trail.  I loved witnessing, through her writing, her moments of fear, loss, and frustration.  I could feel the overwhelming weight of "Monster" (her lovingly nicknamed pack) on my back, making my steps seemingly impossible.  I could feel the insatiable hunger in my belly, ever present and never satisfied.  These trying times made the moments of clarity and self discovery even more heart wrenching and awe inspiring.  Cheryl truly was able to find herself on the trail.  Peel away layers and find what it was to be fully human and fully alive.  She is an inspiration to me as I continue in my own journey of self discovery...a journey I have found many of my peers to be traversing as well.  

Why you should read it: 

-If you enjoy the outdoors, whether hiking, camping, or just sitting out in nature is your jam...the relationship Strayed forged with nature is one of total trust, respect, and understanding.  There were times she felt more at home on the trail than off of it, and isn't that what it should be like anyway?

-If you're looking for self-discovery...true, this is a special case.  Extreme measures were taken by the author in order to "find herself", but I think you will be pleasantly surprised how much you relate to her.  

-If you're looking to disconnect...I know that if I spend too much time around technology, my brain can get a little buzzy.  This book reminded me how important it is to disconnect from that and thus connect with humans and the beautiful world around us. 

-If you're excited for hiking season...there was a little teaser of warmth a few days ago, followed by snow yesterday (brb, crying) but now it's starting to warm back up again.  The sun is out and it's only a matter of time before I hit the trails.  This book was perfect inspiration...it couldn't come soon enough! 

I'll leave you with my absolute favorite moment of the book.  It echos my own personal mantra that I created so closely that I found myself having to catch my breath and wipe away tears:

"There were so many other amazing things in the world. They opened up inside of me like a river.  Like I didn't know I could take a breath and then I breathed.  I laughed with the joy of it, and the next moment I was crying...I was crying because I was full." 

What I Read: "The Chaperone"

"I am supposed to be where I go."

― Laura Moriarty, The Chaperone

The latest book I finished is "The Chaperone" by Laura Moriarty.  It's the story of Cora - the woman chosen to chaperone the incomparable Louise Brooks while she was only 15 years old and trying to break out of her small town life. If you're already following me on Goodreads, you'll know I gave it an absolutely glowing review.  New York City! Broadway! The Golden Age of Hollywood! Strong Female Protagonists!  Even just looking at the cover in the bookstore I knew I would like this book.  Yet even so, there were connections and incredibly touching moments that took me by surprise and made me see things about the world and about myself clearer.  I hope that after reading this review, you think about picking up a copy from the library...and please let me know if you do.  I love nothing more than a reading buddy! 

Why I read it: I've always been a huge fan of historical fiction, especially stories set around the 1920's - 1940's (which were all covered within this book!).  I think this stems back to my obsession with Shirley Temple that I have had since before I can even remember. I have always felt drawn to that era...the Great Depression leading in to the Golden Age of Hollywood. I often make jokes that I lived a past life during that time.  So when I saw this book about Louise Brooks, an incredibly famous silent film actress who popularized the bob haircut, I had a feeling this would be a good one.  The majority of the novel is set in New York City (the best city on earth) while Louise is training with the Denishawn Dance Company, and hoping to make it big. 

What I loved: What Moriarty did so well with this book was she told it from Cora's point of view, not Louise's.  Louise, a starlet from the moment she was born, was not the star of this particular story.  It was unassuming Cora who made incredible discoveries about herself and found truth in the Big Apple.  That's not to say that Louise's portion of the story wasn't compelling. The stories of both Cora and Louise were both so beautifully moving and made me proud to be a woman in the entertainment business. In different ways, both women inspired me to use my craft to make a difference. Truly the main thing I loved about the book was the setting - New York City in the 1920's.  Moriarty captured it so effortlessly and I felt like I was right there with Cora wandering the streets of Manhattan.  Another surprising facet was the controversial topics of the times that were dealt with.   Generally with historical fiction like this it is racism that is focused on, but this story delved into contraception and homosexuality in a very brave and realistic manner. 

Why you should read it:

- If you are in the entertainment industry...it makes you proud to be a part of that strange niche in society while putting a lot of things into a bigger perspective. Never lose sight of who you are. 

- If you are a woman...it delves into interesting topics regarding women's place in society during this turbulent time.  It's interesting to see the juxtaposition between 2 different women who are only 15 years apart in age, yet clash on almost every world view.  Times were a changing, and people were struggling to keep up!

- If you love New York...Moriarty did such a fabulous job transporting me to the city that never sleeps in a fascinating and formative time. 

- If you love Old Hollywood...you will surely know who Louise Brooks is and want to know more about her captivating screen presence.  

"She had, it seemed, two options: continued hunger, or, if she ate a full meal, the corset's further reprimand. The gnaw from the inside or the squeeze from the outside.  Which was worse? She knew she was tired of hunger.  That was what she knew."