Little Joys, Little Victories

HELLOOOOO!! Wow I have not blogged in a while.  This is because my laptop died (RIP) and when it comes to spending money I love to put things off until I can't live without whatever it is I need to spend money on.  It's one of my special skills (which also include devil sticks, whistle tones, and reading all of the books). Anyway, even though I haven't been updating my blog, I have had a fantastic couple of weeks!  And really, nothing that exciting has happened - but my life has been so full of little moments of happiness and tiny recovery triumphs that when I look at them all together, it's pretty overwhelming.

If you had told me earlier in my life that I would suffer from depression, I probably would have replied "Excuse me don't you know WHO I AM?!" I made it a point to have positivity streaming out of every orifice, and when it didn't feel natural, I did it anyway!! The sun will come out tomorrow so help me God, and if it doesn't, I will build a sun lamp. Little did I know that a short way down the road I would be the girl laying on her floor, looking up at the ceiling, and crying because she can't stop crying.  Or having an anxiety attack because she's pretty sure her face has swollen 3 times it's natural size over night. But, that's where we find ourselves sometimes.  Desperately hoping for some amazing thing to happen and to break us out of the sadness burrito we have found ourselves wrapped in.  At least, that's what I kept praying for.  But then all of the little things started adding up, fueling my fire, and making feel well...like a motherfucking WARRIOR.

Here are a few examples.  Alone..."oh cool, KT I'm glad you had a good day but why are you belting?"  Together...EVERYTHING IS AWESOME.

I made a total life upgrade by purchasing this adorable backpack and carrying it instead of a purse.  My sister has had one for a while, and I finally decided to make the switch.  Um...MY LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE.

I got to see one of my very favorite people, Nicole!!  We go way back to the Summer of Love - LCT 2003.  Since then we have gone to high school together, obsessed over the same people, and lived together in New York.  Oh and I won a bucket so...I'm set.

I feel like I've made HUMONGOUS strides in my recovery process, and each day I become more and more passionate about my journey and helping others who are also struggling.  It's really overwhelming to feel this deeply about something.  This past week I feel like EH finally hit me harder than I've ever experienced (that's Extreme Hunger - what happens when the body's hunger cues finally start lining up, metabolism kicks in, and all of a sudden...NOM NOM NOM GIVE ME ALL THE FOOD), and although I thought that EH would scare the shit out of me, it was actually fun and liberating.  I'm so proud of myself.

 

I celebrated a glorious Easter Sunday with my family (minus Andy, but I'll see him SO SOON).  It was relaxing after kicking it into over drive in church world to just prepare a delicious meal, enjoy the sunshine, have good conversation, and share a pie moment (rhubarb, what else).  Another victory - first holiday without a panic attack and absolutely NO Emily in sight.  Self five!

I've been reading some really great books including "Secrets and Wives" which is about my favorite subject of all time - MORMON POLYGAMY!

Laine and I took a mini road trip to NKU to see Spamalot!  On the way, we had fantastic conversation and iced coffee (what more do you need in life?!). While there, we met up with Hannah for drinks before hand, saw friends at the show, and stopped by Brandon's apartment to say hi.  I can't even explain how good it was to see everyone and to see an amazing production!  I am so proud to be an NKU theatre alum.

Mom and I made some delicious home made pizza, Veg-Bergers style.

It is warm and I have been spending lots of time outside in the sunshine. Happy KT.

I've had countless phone conversations with people I love.

I started a new journal.

I'm almost done with season 3 of "McLeod's Daughters."

Daryl Harris came to me in a dream.

Less than a month until Florida.

Everything is going to be OK.

I am OBSESSED (3-21)

Wow is it really obsession time already?!  This week absolutely flew by...but that means it's Friday so Happy Friday, I guess!  This week I am absolutely lovin'...

1. Iced Coffee - I drink it all year round, even when there is snow on the ground (I MADE A RHYME) but there is something so satisfying about sipping on a grande when the sun is shining down on your face and you're not actively shivering. Now if only I was in the amphitheatre with Robyn...

2. Calendars - Since January I've been making custom calendars and I can't stop.  I love crafting and for some reason making these for people has been so fun and relaxing.  I just made one for my sister that starts in March and goes until next February, so let me know if you want me to make you one.  Just pick out 12 sheets of specialty paper at Michael's and I'll do the rest!

3. Pattycake Bakery - Every time my mom goes to Columbus, she stocks up on treats from this amazing bakery. Seriously, it's the tops.  They have the best (and biggest) chocolate cupcakes in the entire world, not to mention their Tollhouse cookies, whoopie pies, brownies, and cake by the slice. Y'all know I don't mess around with my desserts.  Now I'm just sad that all the treats are gone. If you're ever in Columbus, it would be very beneficial for you to stop in and get yourself something.  YOU'RE WORTH IT. 

4. Dance Academy (Season 2) - I'm putting this again because I'm on Season 2 which is TOTALLY different, right?!  RIGHT?!  I have a problem.  But if loving Australian teen dramas is wrong then I don't want to be right.  As I plow my way through the second season again, I am reminded of just how annoying Tara is (seriously, she is a horrible protagonist and not likeable at all), how Grace is literally the worst human being to exist, and how we never actually see Ethan dance. Have you noticed that?  He plays piano FAH DAYS, but never dances. Star of third year, my ass.  I'm not ready for the emotions that come with the end of this season, but I'm excited to watch season 3.  I've never seen it!  Wow, I'm annoying. 

5. Avocado Toast - Uuuuuuugh, yea, yea, yea, you can say it.  You told me so. I have had this for lunch for 3 straight days now and there's only one person to blame. 

6. Angela - I could say this every week, every day, every hour.  You see, Angela (my ukulele) is pretty much my soulmate.  I don't want this to get weird but let's just say I've been...working on some things with the help of professionals for close to 6 months now (whoa).  One of the very first behavioral exercises I was told to do was to find a "tangible object" to take the place of a certain psychological security blanket that I've been holding on to for close to 4 years.  This security blanket, while seemingly friendly, was destroying me.  Literally killing me from the inside out.  No bueno.  So to replace it, I needed to find something that brought me joy and comfort even in the darkest of times.  I remember sitting in my bedroom in NYC, stressing over this assignment (only me...), debating on whether I wanted to use the fawn necklace Robyn had sent me, or a ring Catie had passed down to me, or a picture of me with my family.  While I was thinking about it, I mindlessly picked up my uke and started strumming and singing.  I got caught up in the song and before I knew it I was belting "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor and crying my eyes out with joy (normal). I was so happy in that moment of catharsis that everything else slipped away, and I realized that Angela was my object.  Now, whenever I get wrapped up in a sadness burrito, she is the first thing I grab.  No matter how I'm feeling or how far back I have slid or how triggering a day is, she always makes me feel better and reminds me of what is important.  I can't wait to play her for everyone tomorrow at the Rose Ball!!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend, and are able to get out and enjoy this SUNSHINE!  I am OBSESSED with sunshine!
<33

I am OBSESSED (3-14)

It's that time of week again!  This is becoming my favorite post to do because I am so obsessed with so many things. I HAVE A LOT OF LOVE TO GIVE, PEOPLE.  Well let's just jump right in, shall we?!

1. Dance Academy - Thank that baby Jesus for Netflix.  I love Australian teen dramas, and Netflix delivers 3 whole seasons of (in my opinion) the nation's best.  Dance Academy.  Yes, Tara is insufferable, Abigail is pretty much the worst, and the living situation is hardly believable...but that doesn't mean I don't love every second of this show. It's equal parts corny and incredibly honest. How do the Aussies do it?!  I want to be Kat when I grow up.  She's just the coolest! Sammy is just the most adorable little nugget on the planet, and I find myself screaming at Abigail for being so mean to him in the beginning of his pursuit of her.  But like, can we talk about Abigail for a minute?!  She's an awful human being, but I obviously find myself relating to her.  Some of the ways she lashes out hit so close to home it hurts.  Girl, I GET IT. Having an eating disorder sucks balls (and I can imagine when you are at the most prestigious dance school in Australia, it's even worse).  Wow I rambled about this show for a while, and I still have more to say.  I guess I'll have to do a post just about Dance Academy...darn!!

2. Indian Chai - When I lived in NYC, I worked at Alice's Tea Cup. It was and still is my favorite job I've ever had, and I can't wait to go back when I am once again in the city.  The only problem was, I got addicted to Indian Chai and would drink it every single morning as I opened the restaurant in the early darkness. It would be by my side as I decorated the scone board and let the first way-too-eager middle aged women in at 8:00 am sharp (*knock knock knock* "It's 7:58 can I come in yet it's so cold out here!!!!").  It is the best chai in the world, and when I came back to Kentucky I didn't realize how much I truly loved it until I didn't have it! BUT...Chelsea to the rescue!!  My GIRL Chelsea, another hostess ATC and my very best work friend, sent me some of the good stuff so my addiction can live on.  Now I just have to get back to the Cup so we can wear top knots and drink Alice's Mochas again every day.  I'm missing the princess lifestyle, ya know?

3. "Top Rated" by Icona Pop - I love Icona Pop more than most things and lately, with the warm weather allowing me to roll down my windows, I have been jamming to this particular song while cruising along in Krysta, the diva-mobile. I literally have kept it on repeat in my car.  I'm working on a Ukulele cover of it, which I will record and post here this coming week! 

4. SUNSHINE - No more cold, gimme that Vitamin D!!

5. "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed - In case you missed the last two posts about it, let's just throw this one in for good measure.  

6. This Queso - Pretty sure I could just eat it straight from the jar with a spoon.  I haven't...or anything...*runs away*.

Alright, I think that's enough for now. This has been an exceptionally fantastic week....my cup is definitely full of joy and brimming over with happiness muffins.  Oh, and it's Pie (Pi) Day, so really what could go wrong?  I had a big honking slice of cherry pie earlier this week...I might have to have a piece for lunch to celebrate the holiday.

What kind of pie are you OBSESSED with?!

I am OBSESSED...

I throw around the word "obsessed" a lot.  But the thing is...it's true!  There are a lot of things in this world that I love and that I love VERY deeply.  Every Friday, I will share with you some things I have been OBSESSING over this week, and hopefully they will bring joy into your life just like they have brought joy into mine!!

1. How I Met Your Mother - I have been OBSESSED with this show for a while now.  I was late to the party and didn't start watching it until I could watch 7 seasons in a row in the dead of winter in small town Minnesota BUT it quickly turned into one of my favorite shows.  I adore it and love the characters as if they were my own crew.  I'm constantly on the look out for a real life McLaren's where I can while away hours with my best friends nursing a screwdriver and laughing at eachother's quirks. The series finale is upon us, and I have big plans for March 31st.  One of which is crying my eyes out and having a lot of feelings.

2. BINGO - Every Thursday night at Mellow Mushroom, I play Bingo.  The tradition started on my birthday this past year when we happened upon Bingo night and had an absolute blast.  Now, my week doesn't feel complete without it.  Sarah and I typically go every week, so if you're free any Thursday night, come play with us!  I can promise you a fun time and delicious pizza.

3. Finding Delight- This is my sister's new blog! It's already amazing and it's just the beginning!  Seriously, follow her. I am OBSESSED with blogs in general, so I'm kind of an authority on the matter. It's so good.

4. This Cookbook - I've been reading The Shannon's Blog for a while now, but only recently got around to checking out their cookbook from the library and making some recipes!  Their New York Style Cheesecake is a game changer!

5. The Lego Movie - Seriously so delightful and hilarious.  Go see it if you can...it's not just for kids!  And who doesn't love Chris Pratt (no one...the answer is no one)?

6. McCarthy's Irish Bar - This is my favorite bar in Lexington, and it's not just because I'm incredibly biased since I know the owner and it's connected to the shop I work at.  Thursday night dancing and Saturday morning Rugby.  Really who could ask for more?

7. Submissions Only - Season 3 is FINALLY HERE!

Now it's your turn...what are you OBSESSING about this week? 

p.s. Happy Birthday to my hero, partner in crime, and best friend...MY MOM!! She is the mama who bore me, and the absolute best.  I love you, Mommy!